(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, MJ: Maria Jette)
(MUSIC UNDER)
SS (OLD WOMAN): You'll never find anyone in the personals, Emily. Look at you. You're thirty-two years old. And it's almost winter.
MJ (DAUGHTER): It's fall, Mother. The trees are in color. And there's someone out there for me, Mom. I just know it.
TR (REVERB): Late 30s, professional man, good sense of humor, sensuous, love to cook, hike, bike, go for long walks, look at fall colors. Looking for woman, 22-31.
SS (OLD WOMAN): You're thirty-two and you're still a waitress. And you've got those stupid rings in your ears and your eyebrow and your nose and a tattoo on your butt. Those rings are gonna hurt like heck when it's forty below.
MJ (DAUGHTER): Somewhere there's a guy who wants me just the way I am, Mom. He's out there.
TK (REVERB): Sound effects man, late 30s, good shape, very good looking (I am told), fun to be with, looking for woman in early 30s. No smoker please, drug- and tattoo-free.
SS (OLD WOMAN): Winter's coming. When are you gonna wise up?
MJ (DAUGHTER): He's out there. My guy. I know it.
GK (REVERB): I'm a lover and a free spirit and so are you and nothing else is important to me. When we meet, and I hope we do, soon, we'll know each other right away. Our souls will touch and there won't be a doubt. All I want is to live life with you and live it to the fullest.
(WHEN I DREAM ... 1ST VERSE & CHO: GK & MJ)
GK: Signed: "Yearning in Duluth."
MJ: "Yearning in Duluth."
SS (OLD WOMAN): And now you went and got a ring in your bellybutton! If I'd known you were going to do that, I never would've let them cut the umbilical cord.
MJ (DAUGHTER): It's my body, Mother, and a ring in my navel is a thing of beauty.
SS (MOTHER): You go to look for a job with rings in your nose and your ears and your bellybutton, they take a look at you - they're not gonna offer you something in marketing, they're gonna think "Parking Lot Attendant." You'll be working outdoors in January and you're going to freeze your bellybutton.
MJ (DAUGHTER): You don't understand.
(WHEN I DREAM: CHORUS MJ & GK)
TR (FATHER): When are you ever going to make something of yourself - you go around here looking like a bum - look at you -
GK: It's casual day at work, Dad. You know that.
TR (FATHER): That doesn't mean you can go in your pajamas. Even if you are just a counter clerk at Starbucks.
GK: I'm not a counter clerk. I'm a writer who also makes coffee, Dad. I wrote a novel. A romance. I sent it off two weeks ago. And I know it's good, Dad. I know it is.
TR (FATHER): You're a man who doesn't know enough to put on a warm jacket. It's almost winter.
GK: It's beautiful. It's October. That's the title of my novel: Days of October.
TR (FATHER): It won't be for long, buster. Wake up. But oh no. You go and get those whatchamacallits implanted in your ears and your nose and your bellybutton.
GK: They're magnets. Tiny powerful magnets. And someday when I meet her, she'll be drawn toward me -
TR (FATHER): only thing that's gonna be drawn to you is a refrigerator. Besides, they're ugly.
GK: Only from a distance. Up close they're beautiful.
TR (FATHER): Those are gonna get awful darn cold in December. Take my word for it.
GK: I won't get cold with her in my arms.
TR (FATHER): Who?
GK: I don't know. But when I look at the trees on a fall day, I know that there is love for me somewhere in the world - and someday I'll find her, and with the money from Days of October, we'll find a place together, her and me -
(WHEN I DREAM CHORUS: MJ, GK)
SS (MOTHER): Call me ignorant, but I absolutely cannot imagine why a person would do to herself the things that you have done to yourself. A ring in your bellybutton. What's next? Don't tell me. I don't want to know.
MJ: Excuse me, Mother - I need to make a phone call. (DIALING) (RING AT OTHER END)
SS (RECORDING, ON PHONE): I'm sorry, but the number you have called is not in service at this time.
MJ: Not in service?? Can you tell me where he went?
SS (RECORDING): No further information about this number is available.
MJ: It must be a mistake. (CLICK. DIAL AGAIN. RING AT OTHER END)
SS (RECORDING): You did not reach this message in error. The number you have called is - (CLICK)
MJ: Where did he go? What happened? Did he leave Duluth? With someone else? (CHORDS)
TR (FATHER): Look at you. You go through four years of college to be a make coffee.
GK: I'm not defined by my job, Dad. I'm an writer who also makes coffee.
TR (FATHER): I'll tell you what you are, you're a disgrace to this family. When are you going to make something of yourself, for crying out loud? And what is this here? An envelope addressed to some publishing company.
GK: My novel? I forgot to send it? (RIPS ENVELOPE)
TR (FATHER): There's nothing in here but a phone bill and a check.
GK: I must've sent my novel to the phone company. I better call them. (PICKS UP PHONE. CLICKS) It's dead. (CHORDS)
SS (OLD WOMAN): You still lookin' in the personals? Give it up.
MJ: He must be out there. Somewhere.
TR (REVERB): SWM, early 40s. Athletic. Enjoy sailing, skiing, romantic dinners and moonlight walks. And I look forward to doing all those things with the girl of my dreams just as soon as I get out of prison.
MJ: Somewhere.
TK (REVERB): Man who believes in honesty. No games. I'm 5'4", 260 lbs, like to stay home and watch fishing tournaments, looking for rich professional Michelle Pfeiffer lookalike. No body piercing. (TRANSITION CHORDS)
TR (FATHER): So did they find your novel?
GK: They're still looking.
TR (FATHER): Ha. Kiss that one goodbye.
GK: It's my only copy and somehow I just know they'll find it. (TRANSITION CHORDS)
SS (OLD WOMAN): My beautician? Joanne? She's got a son - single - not bad lookin' - 42 - drives a gravel truck -
MJ: I went to a coffee shop today and I felt a strange gravitational pull like he was near.
(CHORUS GK & MJ)
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor