Once I lived a life of some renown
People looked up to me in this town
They listened to me when I had something to say
They named a sandwich for me at the cafe
And then I began my slow descent
I discovered what misery meant
I found rejection and regret
All because I smoked a cigarette.
Nobody knows you
When you take a smoke
You pull out a Marlboror or even a Morer
They look at you and point to the door
You stand on the sidewalk and take your drag
You and the lady with the big plastic bag
I tell you young people, and it is no joke,
Nobody knows you when you take a smoke.
When you take a smoke.
I went to a party at some old pals' of mine
They cooked a great dinner, poured a vintage wine
After dinner, I was feeling swell
I reached in my pocket, pulled out a Pall Mall
The room got silent, and everyone froze
Like I'd just thrown up or took off my clothes
I was sent out back to have my cigarette
By the garbage cans and the swing set.
Nobody knows you when you smoke cigarettes
Ginger Rogers smoked, and Fred Astaire
It was elegant then but now it's all clean air
Outside the buildings, the smokers stand,
Aliens in a foreign land
You can be god-fearing and pay your debts
Nobody knows you when you smoke cigarettes.
I mean, when you smoke cigarettes.
(SPOKEN) One of these days, I'm going to kick the habit and when I do, I'm going to kick every bad habit I have and become a paragon of virtue such as you won't believe, and when I do, people - none of you are going to set foot in my house, only my disciples - you the unwashed will have to stand out on the sidewalk and occasionally I'll come stand on the balcony and wave and throw rose petals down to you, and I'll be dressed all in white and wear a white mask so that air that you've exhaled will not contaminate the sacred temple of my being -Nobody knows you
When you smoke that weed
Fred Astaire smoked and Cary Grant
And nowadays a person simply can't
Unless you want to stand outdoors and freeze
With the other lepers of society
You may be a blue blood, of a noble breed
Nobody knows you when you smoke that weed.
When you smoke that weed.
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor