This portion of our show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board. (MUSIC)
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. Our kids' arrest records have finally been sealed. We're through with that whole Chapter Eleven mess. And my Viagra finally seems to be kicking in. Which is why I went to our thirtieth high school class reunion with such high hopes. Boy. What a disaster.
SS: That's for sure.
TR: My old girlfriend walked up to me and said, "Hey, that's great that your face finally cleared up."
SS: Well? She's right. It did.
TR: What a depression-fest. The guy voted Most Likely to Succeed was the night manager of a video-rental store. The Prettiest Girl looked like she'd been living in a dumpster. The Class Clown was a sad guy in a bad sportcoat who handed out Scientology brochures.
SS: I still don't see why you had to go around telling people you were Governor of South Dakota.
TR: It's a small state. Who's gonna know?
SS: You're in disaster insurance, Jim. Isn't that good enough?
TR: Sorry. It was a weak moment.
SS: People kept coming up to me and asking where we lived in South Dakota. I didn't know what to say.
TR: I shouldn't have lied.
SS: People kept asking me what the capital of South Dakota is - I had no idea. It was embarrassing.
TR: You know what my problem is? I haven't been eating as much ketchup as I should be.
SS: You're right, Jim. Because ketchup has natural mellowing agents that boost self confidence.
TR: I need to increase my ketchup intake.
SS: Let's go fix ourselves some crackers and ketchup. And Jim?
TR: Yes?
SS: Someday I'd like to see South Dakota.
TR: I'll take you, Barb. I promise.
RD: KETCHUP JINGLE
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor