Our show is brought to you by the Cafe Boeuf Kansas City with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. Bon soir, Maurice.
TK: Do we have a what?
GK: Bon soir!
TK: Yes, of course. It's down that hall and turn to your right.
GK: Never mind. What's on the menu tonight, Maurice?
TK: Aha. Tonight. Well, we have the (GIBBERISH) and that is served on a little (GIBBERISH) with of course the (GIBBERISH) on the side. And then, for our fish course, we have the (LONG GIBBERISH) and that comes with your choice of (GIBBERISH) or (GIBBERISH). And, for an appetizer, we have the (EXTREMELY LONG GIBBERISH).
GK: That's an appetizer?
TK: Oui, monsieur.
GK: Maurice, we're here in Kansas City -- don't you serve barbecue?
TK: Yes, of course. Certainment. Barbequieu. We serve it two ways -- (GIBBERISH) or we serve it (GIBBERISH)--
GK: I see. And what is (GIBBERISH)--
TK: Monsieur, there is no need to insult my wife.
GK: I didn't.
TK: My wife doesn't look like a shoe. She is a beautiful woman! (GALLANT FRENCH GIBBERISH)!
GK: I'll have the barbecue.
TK: We do not serve barbecue, monsieur. We serve barbequieu. Barbequieu.
GK: Barbequieu.
TK: Yes, of course. You wish the barbecued ribs or the barbecued (GIBBERISH).
GK: The second one -- that's --
TK: Barbecued brains.
GK: I'll have the barbecued ribs then. Is that Kansas City style barbecued ribs?
TK: Monsieur, the Kansas City barbecue -- that is all vinegar in the sauce -- it's (FRENCH DISTASTE) -- I mean, it's all right if that's what you like but -- (FRENCH DISMISSAL) here we do barbequieu the French way -- cooked very slowly over burning toast and flavored with cognac and then we add a little (GIBBERISH)--
GK: That's not snails, is it?
TK: Non, non, non -- that is (GIBBERISH) ...
GK: You serve it with French fries?
TK: All of our fries are French. Why would they be anything but?
GK: Of course. -- The Cafe Boeuf ... The home of good eaters, of good taste, of passion, of (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH) -- (PLAYOFF)
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor