...brought to you by Fred Farrell Animal Calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS) When it comes to animal calls, there's just one name, and that's Fred Farrell.

TR: This is Fred Farrell. Whenever I come west, I like to stay in big luxury hotels, the kind where they put a mint on your pillow at night and there's a breakfast card you can hang on your door and at eleven o'clock the next morning, they bring your eggs Benedict and your fruit cup and your croissants and coffee. To me, the thought of camping in a tent out in nature is pretty much on a par with being trapped in an elevator with Jehovah's Witnesses. Not my idea of a good time. I like to sit in a bar and do animal calls as a way of keeping people from coming over and starting a conversation. You sit in a bar and you do an Osprey Call --- (SHRILL BIRD) ---- and people leave you alone and if they don't you do a cougar (COUGAR) or an eagle (SFX) or an elk. (ELK) Nobody ever bothers a guy who does elk (ELK).

GK: Avoid unnecessary conversations with strangers and order Fred Farrell's set of Privacy Calls, including the hippopotamus (SFX), hyena (SFX), honey bee (SFX), hoot owl (SFX), horned toad (SFX), Holstein (SFX), hen (SFX), Hampshire hog (SFX), homing pigeon (SFX), hummingbird (SFX), and hunchback whale (SFX). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS)

(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor