GK:....Our sound effects man Tom Keith has been excited to come to Austin ---- of course he's grateful when we take him anywhere. Because, frankly, travelling with a sound effects man is no picnic. (ORANGUTAN) He's a man with a restless imagination, Tom. You go to the airport and go through security and Tom is behind you (TK: Hey! Look out! BOMB EXPLOSION) ---- and they don't think it's funny. And you get on a plane and he's sitting right behind you and the plane starts down the runway and (TR: Come on, baby....come on, baby....come on, baby....up, baby....up, baby....come on......up, baby....up) people don't appreciate that and then he makes odd (HUM) humming noises and when the plane banks (CREAKING) and it's not that funny----- a sound effects guy is wonderful for you, the audience, but for us ----- you cross a hotel lobby with him (CHICKEN CLUCKING) and people look and here's a grown man in a blue suit and black shoes with tassels and his hair combed up in a pompadour and he's doing chickens or ( TK: Look out! Two o'clock! Two o'clock! DIVE BOMBER, MACHINE GUN, BOMBER ZOOMS OVER AND AWAY) ----- and if you should drop your room key and bend over to pick it up (FART)---- so it's a trial and if you're rooming with him (DRIPS), forget it ----- the guy is always working, working, honing his craft, perfecting the tools of his trade (ELK) ---- that's an elk, by the way. Some people think it's a caribou, but it's an elk. A caribou sounds like this (CARIBOU). Which is easily confused with a wapiti. But this is a wapiti (WAPITI) and this is a caribou (CARIBOU). Anyway----- he was looking forward to coming to Austin because he knew we'd be doing Lives of the Cowboys and he'd get to do his whinny.....and that's coming up right now.
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor