(GALLOPING HOOVES, APPROACH)
SS: Whoa! ---- Whoa! (HORSE STOPS, WHINNY, CHUFFING) Easy, girl! Easy. ----After a hard day on the ranch, when it's time to go out for the evening, a Texas gal doesn't have a whole lot of time to get dolled up ---- and that's why we carry duct tape.
Two little slivers of duct tape for eye shadow, and a couple strips for garter belts to hold up those fishnet stockings, and if a day of hard riding makes you sag, a few strips here and there for uplift --- and to keep that big hair in place, a strip of red duct tape looks just like a bandanna in dim light, and dim light is exactly where I'm headed. Duct tape keeps the gun in the gun rack from bouncing out....keeps dust out of the hole in the floorboard... keeps the tailgate from falling down and the window crank from dropping off. It keeps the rusty headlight ring in place and it keeps the glove box door from rattling.
Duct tape takes you there and gets you home. And if your date gets out of line ---- (TK MUFFLED PROTESTS, STRUGGLING) ---- a few strips of duct tape sure beats having to slap him around. --- Giddup! (HORSE WHINNY, GALLOPING HOOVES AWAY).....
GK: Duct tape.....it's almost all you need sometime. A word from the American Duct Tape Council. (QUACKS)
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor