...brought to you by Fred Farrell's Family of Animals (GK MONKEY, TK JUNGLE BIRDS).

TR: This is Fred Farrell. October is the time of year when mice start to think about finding a nice warm home for themselves and they look at where you live and they think, "Boy, I could settle for that," and pretty soon --- unless you lay down the law ---- you got yourself a regular mouse metropolis in the basement, you got mice taking other mice out to lunch in your cupboards, you got mice using your old love letters to make a nest --- and of course you could trap em, or poison em, but then you got to pick up their dead little bodies with their little legs all stiff and their little eyes looking at you and you got to haul em out ---- it's a whole lot easier just to get one of my Fred Farrell Rodent Warning Calls. You go to the front door and you blow it first thing in the morning and again at sunset and it lets mice know not to try to come in here. Like this call here ----- (EXCITED MOUSE CHATTER) ---- that call says, "This home is occupied by people who do not believe in animal rights. So don't think you're going to have a chance to call your lawyer. You won't. These people eat mice for breakfast and they use their skins to make blankets. You come in here, and it's the end of the road."

GK: Order your Fred Farrell Mouse Warning Call today and get free of charge our eleven-in-one Animal Call --- eleven calls on one handy instrument, hangs around your neck on a lanyard for convenience --- the eleven calls are: puma (SFX), a pelican (SFX), Palomino (WHINNY), Poland China (PIG), porpoise (SFX), Persian (CAT), buff Orpington (CHICKEN), pronghorn antelope (SFX), Polled Hereford (MOO), pigeon(SFX), and possum (SNORE). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to your animal needs. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS)

© 1997 by Garrison Keillor