....brought to you by Fred Farrell's Family of Animals (GK MONKEY, TK JUNGLE BIRDS).
TR: This is Fred Farrell. It used to be that every family had a family pet, a dog or cat or a bunny rabbit, but now most families are just too darned busy what with hauling the kids off to school and sports and music lessons and the parents each working two jobs and church and doing the lawn and going out to nightclubs and all and some families are so busy the kids have to wear name tags to the breakfast table, and that's why nobody's got time to mess around with pets, and that's how come we decided to invent the Fred Farrell TelePet ---- it's a pet that your family can own and feel close to but it doesn't live in your house, you call it up on the phone. Like this. (ROTARY DIAL PHONE) Say you got a dog --- whenever you want to see him, you call him up, and there he is---- (RING. PICK UP. WOOF AT OTHER END) Hi there, Spot 2824318 ---- how you doing? (DOG WOOFS) That's good. How about some water? (WOOF) And you press the star sign for water. (BEEP. DOG LAPS UP WATER). Real good. How about some ground sirloin? (WOOF) For food, you press the pound sign. (BEEP. DOG WOLFS DOWN MEAT.) Isn't that great? You get to be with your dog whenever you like, feed it, take care of it, enjoy it, and no hassle at all, and then if you should ever want to delete your dog, you just press zero. (DOG WHINE) But we won't do that right now, will we. No. (WOOF) The TelePet from Frank Farrell....it's the modern way to enjoy the emotional benefits of pet ownership without having to clean up after it.
GK: Order your Fred Farrell TelePet today and remember: with TelePet, you can get any animal you want --- a pet lamb (SFX), a llama (SFX), a lamprey (SFX), Lippizaner (WHINNY), lemur (SFX), lemming (SFX), Leghorn (CHICKEN), Longhorn (MOO), loon (SFX), or sea lion (SFX). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to your animal needs. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS)
© 1997 by Garrison Keillor