We're having floods in Minnesota.......
It's been especially rough in the Red River Valley, between Minnesota and North Dakota where the other day, a dike gave way in Fargo and another in Grand Forks and thousands of families were evacuated ... we're talking to Mrs. Deeanna Brower up near Grafton...
SS: Hello? Hello???
GK: Good to hear you again, Mrs. Brower.
SS: You'll have to speak up, the water is gurgling and it's pretty loud.
GK: I say it's good to hear you again, Mrs. Brower. How are you doing?
SS: I'm fine. I'm on the cellular phone. The phone lines are out. Can you hear me okay?
GK: I can hear you just fine, Mrs. Brower, how are you doing?
SS: We're fine. We're still upright anyway.
GK: That's good.
SS: We're moving but we're still upright.
GK: You're moving?
SS: That's why I'm on the cellular. We're not in Grafton anymore.
GK: I see. Where are you?
SS: I'm not sure. But it's not bad.
'GK: I heard that a lot of people are without power. Are you without power?
SS: That's right. We're out in the middle of the river so there's no place we could hook up to power. But we don't need it. Nothing on television these days anyway.
GK: I see. So your sump pumps are they not working?
SS: No, we left them behind in the basement.
GK: I see. So you're floating, I take it
SS: Yes, we lifted right off the foundation. Water took us away, and we've gone about seventy miles.
GK: Where are you in the house, Mrs. Brower?
SS: I'm in the attic right now. Cleaning out things. You know. Trying to catch up.
GK: And the house is floating in the river.
SS: I've got all the cows in the upstairs bedrooms. Got em spread out so the house rides better in the water. Rugs are a mess but it can't be helped.
GK: How are you doing, Mrs. Brower? Isn't anyone coming to rescue you?
SS: No, no. We're fine. It's no problem. Long as it keeps floating, we're fine.
GK: Is your husband with you?
SS: No, Arlen's in the barn. It's about a quarter mile behind me.
GK: It's floating too.
SS: It would appear to be, yes.
GK: Can you see him from there, Mrs. Brower?
SS: He's up in the cupola. He has on a red plaid wool jacket and a seed corn cap. And he looks like he's not in that good a mood. Looks like he's fuming all right.
GK: Are you getting anything to eat?
SS: Oh yes, we've got plenty to eat. Been feeding the cattle macaroni and cheese. They like that pretty good. And fig newtons.
GK: How about yourself?
SS: Oh, I'm not that hungry, myself. Don't worry about me.
GK: How is your husband doing?
SS: Well, he's been without coffee for a whole week now.
GK: That could be dangerous. Is he Norwegian?
SS: Arlen? Yes, he is. Hundred percent.
GK: So maybe it's just as well he's not there in the house with you.
SS: I was thinking that myself.
GK: What is it like floating down the river, Mrs. Brower?
'SS: Well, it's interesting. Lots to look at. I haven't been up this way for years. Kind of interesting.
GK: I imagine so. Have you thought about calling for help ... you could wave a sheet or something ... somebody'd come out and help you...
SS: Well, I haven't seen anybody I know well enough to ask them to do a favor like that, you know.
GK: I see.
SS: I could have asked one of my neighbors to do it, but we're a long ways from any of them.
GK: But isn't it rough on the river?
SS: No, we're doing fine. I've been on flights to California that were worse.
GK: Eventually, I suppose your house and barn will come aground somewhere, huh?
SS: I would think so, yes.
GK: You could wind up in Canada, I suppose.
SS: Well, I suppose we could.
GK: How would you feel about that?
SS: I just hope it's not too far north. I don't care for winters that much as it is.
GK: Okay, well, you take care, Mrs. Brower. If the National Guard comes to help, you let them, okay?
SS: Oh, we're just fine. House is tipping a little bit, but we're fine. No need for anyone to go to any trouble. And I'm getting a lot of cleaning done. So...
GK: Okay, but if you need help, you call, okay?
SS: Only thing that worries me is my passport. I can't find it anyplace.
GK: Where'd you leave it?
SS: Maybe it was in the dresser. We burned that a week ago for heat.
GK: I think the Canadian Mounties will accept a driver's license at the border.
SS: You think so?
GK: I think so.
SS: Well, then I got no problem at all.
GK: You take care, Mrs. Brower.
SS: Well, you too. How are you doing? You sound like you maybe got a little touch of a cold there.
GK: No, no, I'm fine.
SS: You know what you do for a cold? You eat pepper jelly. That's what I do. Hot pepper jelly. Whole lot of it. And you crush an aspirin in it. Never had a cold in my life.
GK: Thank you, DeeAnna Brower, from somewhere in the Red River Valley.
(c) 1997 by Garrison Keillor