(MUSIC)
GK: I have my hair cut at a place downtown called Hairy Indiana where you come in and you're not rushed into a chair, you sit, have a cup of herbal tea and talk with your stylist---
VC: Any particular issues we need to talk about today? How are you feeling? about yourself, I mean? you seem pretty positive ---- you feeling up about yourself?
GK: Yeah. Okay, I guess. Pretty good.
VC: Uh huh. So maybe we'll leave it long on the sides then.
GK: Sounds good.
VC: I think long on the sides would flesh out your persona a little more --- give you a little more arc --- you know what I mean?
GK: More arc. Right.
VC: You feeling a little blah these days? you look a little blah ---
GK: Yeah. Well. You know.
VC: You feel as if maybe you let people push you around? that you can't find it within yourself to establish clear boundaries? do you have that feeling --- you know --- that you allow other people to always frame the questions? that you're put in a position of simply reacting to what you're offered? that you never quite seize the initiative? do you feel that way?
GK: Yeah. You could say that.
VC: Okay, then I think we'll cut it short on the sides and we'll shave a slash over your left ear.
GK: Okay. Good.
VC: Okay. Carlos. Tommy----- (MEN APPROACH, CONFERRING SOFTLY, AS THEY LIFT GK AND ATTACH HARNESS, ETC ETC)
GK: And then her assistants lift me up and attach a harness to my feet which attaches to a hook on a little carriage that runs on an overhead track. They hang you upside down because the blood flow to the head is so good for the hair ---- also good for your back ---- and of course it's easier to wash your hair that way. (HOSE, AND SQUISHING OF SHAMPOO. RINSE) They put your arms into a sort of straitjacket so you're more comfortable, and they do the shampoo and rinse and then (CARRIAGE RUNS ON RAIL) they run me into a steam room (STEAM, DOOR CLOSE) and I hang in there for a few minutes. There're usually three or four guys hanging in there, in the dark, relaxing, feeling that good blood flow to the head, feeling the spine extend, feeling the hair relax.
TR (KISSINGER): How are you today?
GK: I'm fine.
TR (KISSINGER): Haven't seen you here for awhile.
GK: I've been in Minnesota.
TR (KISSINGER): Do you have places like this in Minnesota?
GK: No, you just walk into a place with a barber pole and sit in a chair and a guy named Jim cuts it shorter than you want it and asks you if you got your deer this year.
TR (KISSINGER): Sounds like Germany.
GK: And then (MEN VOICES, WHEELING, DOOR OPEN, CLOSE) they come and wheel you out, and she cuts your hair, still hanging by your ankles.
VC: How you doing?
GK: I'm fine.
VC: Can I get you a cup of tea?
GK: No thanks. --- Hairy Indiana, it's not just a haircut, it's a life changing experience. You get back on your feet, --- (MEN EFFORT, UNFASTENING) ---- get that straitjacket off --- see the world right-side up --- you feel that you've finally resolved something.
VC: Want me to spray some shellac on it?
GK: No thanks.
VC: Your hair really looks good sticking straight up.
GK: Maybe next time. (MUSIC OUT)
© 1996 BY GARRISON KEILLOR