GK: And now a word from Mister Wine....(PIANO GLISS)
CF: What are you doing, Bob?
TR: I'm screwing this wineskin onto the water tap, Pat. (TWISTING)
CF: Making water into wine?? But---
TR: There we go....now I just rev up the 75 horsepower gas generator...(ENGINE START)
GK: GENERATOR NOT INCLUDED.
TR: And I turn the ergonomic spigot knob to whichever variety I want... Burgundy, Chardonnay, Tawny Port, Gewurztraminer, Pinot Noir, or Rose....what do you say?
CF: How about Pinot Noir----
TR: Push the On button...
SFX: CLICK, WINE FLOWS
TR: See, Pat? Gallon after gallon of wine that tastes as good as wine you'd spend two, three, even four and a half dollars for.
GK: Yes, Mister Wine is the ONLY instant home wine-making device that makes this promise...
TR: When used properly, will not damage plumbing.
CF: Good Pinot Noir, Bob. And look....it doesn't stain the sink either.
GK: Mister Wine....now you can have wine on your table any time you want.
CF: Look! Unexpected guests pulling into the driveway?
TR: No problem. I'll go hook up Mister Wine.
GK: Not available in California. (MUSIC OUT)
©1996 by Garrison Keillor