GK:. . . Brought to you by Fred Farrell, (MONKEYS, JUNGLE BIRDS) the name to trust when it comes to animal calls.

TR: This is Fred Farrell. Here at the Fred Farrell family of employees, we're known for our big game animal calls such as the cougar (SFX), the grizzly (SFX), the moose (SFX), the caribou (SFX), and the elk (SFX), but more than ninety per cent of all human-animal contact is with domesticated creatures. Those are the ones you need to be able to communicate with, and now you can with our set of Fred Farrell Trainer Calls, such as (BARKS), "That's no lady, that's my leg," (MEOWS) Thank you very much and now get that dead body out of here now, (SQUAWKS) "Do not use my shoulder for a toilet," (CHIRPY SQUEALS) "You are an expensive ferret and I want you out here interacting with my guests, not hiding in the dirty clothes basket," or this one, (BARKS) "Do that on this rug one more time and you're going to become Moo Shu Poodle." If the animal in your life is giving you quizzical looks and not responding to clear commands, maybe it's time you get a set of Trainer Calls, and get free of charge our six in one call saying: Go To Your Room in six languages (BARKS), (MEOWS), (SQUAWK), (CHIRP), (SQUEAK), (FISH BUBBLES).

GK: Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEYS, JUNGLE BIRDS).

© 1996 By Garrison Keillor and Greg Nagan