GK:...brought to you by Fred Farrell Animal Calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS) When it comes to animal calls, there's just one name, and that's Fred Farrell.
TR: This is Fred Farrell. If you live in Alaska, you know that when visitors come, they expect to see wildlife, and if they don't, they get sore and they don't tip their guides, so guides use animal calls to attract caribou for example (SFX) or moose (SFX) or elk (SFX), so the animals come and the guests get excited but then the next day the animals're still there (SFX standing around and (SFX eating your shoes nd that's why most guides use my Fred Farrell Animal Calls - because only Fred Farrell Calls have both a call to attract and a call to disperse the animal - for caribou, for example, we have a call that says, "Please be the father of my children" (SFX)and we have another call that says, "There are men here shooting hypodermic needles into caribou's butts (SFX) (SFX) and making them dizzy and nauseous" (SFX) - and we also have them for moose (SFX) and elk (SFX). For wolves, we have a call that says, "For A Good Time, Head This Way, Big Boy" (WOLF) and we have another call that says, "Busy Tonight, How About A Week from Tuesday" (SFX) And for bears, we have a call that says, "Fresh Garbage - Eat All You Like" (BEAR) and then we have another call that says, "How would you like a radio transmitter installed in your armpit?" (SFX). Wildlife is fine in its place, but you can't let it just run around loose out there. Use Fred Farrell Animal Calls to keep the situation under control. And don't forget Fred Farrell Animal CD-Roms for sending e-calls to your friends (CONDOR SCREECH).
GK: Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS.)
© 1996 by Garrison Keillor