GK: Friday was Groundhog Day and so we've invited a groundhog on our show today. Welcome.
TR: Thanks (HE YAWNS)
GK: You've been down in your burrow for the past few months, I take it, and then you came out and looked around and saw if it's time to wake up or go back to bed, right?
TR: No, actually I'm on a book tour. I wrote a book called "The Shadow Knows."
GK: I see.
TR: My name is Chuck. Chuck Wood.
GK: Chuck, how do you spend Groundhog Day?
TR: First of all, we woodchucks don't call it "groundhog" day - we all it (SNUFFLES) because groundhog is a name imposed on us by people - it's not what we call ourselves. We call ourselves (SNORTS AND CHUFF). So if you want to be respectful, you'd use that term. (HE REPEATS THE COMBINATION.) Not that we expect respect, not from man - Ha! Oh no. They call us dumb names, like groundhog, and they create this dumb day about whether it's going to be spring or whether there's going to be six more weeks of winter! Spring!!??? In Minnesota! What are these people using for brains, wood chips? You want to know how many more weeks you're going to have? Huh? You want to know?
GK: How many?
TR: You want to know how many more weeks of winter? I'll tell you!
GK: How many will we have?
TR: You want to know when winter is going to end? Huh? Do ya?
GK: Yes. When?
TR: I'll tell you. You want to know?
GK: When will winter end?
TR: Let me hear you call me by my proper name first.
GK: Okay, when will winter end, Mr. (HE DOES COMBINATION) -
TR: You just asked me where your suitcase is? How would I know?
GK: Never mind.
TR: Maybe your suitcase is in the (SNORTS) --- huh? Why don't you look?
GK: I'm sorry, I'm not bilingual. Okay? When will winter end?
TR: Middle of May.
GK: Middle of May!
TR: You wait and see.
GK: Okay - sorry we had you on. It'll never happen again. I hope your book gets remaindered.
(BAND PLAYOFF)
© 1996 by Garrison Keillor