GK:...brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council. And here's duct tape spokesperson Marlene Brower...

SS: I got these rotten nogood teenagers who live upstairs - I see 'em for about thirty seconds a day. Come down and eat supper outta the fridge like a bunch o buzzards on road kill and then I see about ten seconds of 'em in the morning as they dash out of the house and ask for lunch money. Forty below outside and there they are in T-shirts 'n sneakers 'n a nylon jacket. 'N I can't help it, I tell 'em, I say What are ya? Nuts or what? 'N they look at me like I was their mother or somethin. 'N I say, At least take this with ya, and I hand 'em a roll o' silver duct tape. I donno. It could come in handy. 'Y never know. That's my motto when it comes to duct tape. Y' never know. So why not take it with ya?

GK: Thank you, Marlene. And thank you, Duct Tape, the miracle building material with a thousand uses around the home. It's a better life with duct tape. And if you're planning to attend our show in the next few months, why not bring along your entry in our Art Johnson Duct Tape Art Contest - winning entries will be displayed here at the world famous Fitzgerald Theater. Please bring extra duct tape for hanging.

© 1996 by Garrison Keillor