GK:....brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council. And here's duct tape spokesperson Marlene Brower...

SS: I must say I'm getting kinda sicka winter so this snow is a real bummer - I always think, what if we get a blizzard when Duane's family is here for dinner and they have to stay for a coupla days - not a bunch of great minds, if you ask me, but anyway, they do get you thinking about genetics. And then you think of spending a couple of days with these rotten teenagers to deal with. I never go in their bedrooms. It's like the East Bronx up there. They go around here surly and mooy and mean - and that's on a summer day - what if a blizzard drove 'em over the edge - that's why I carry a roll of duct tape with me on my person at all times - all times - and anyone makes a move on me - (BIG TAPE RIP) - go ahead. Make your move. See how that works? Duct tape. It's the equalizer.

GK: Thank you, Marlene.

© 1996 by Garrison Keillor