GK:...and by American Lock 'N Latch.
It's a new year, time to make some changes, and if I may suggest one - why not change your stupid answering machine message? It's been there longer than you think and (RING SEQUENCE) a lot of us who used to enjoy calling you wish that just once you'd try calling your own home so you could hear what a drag it is to hear this for the hundreth time - (PICK UP) (TR SINGS ON PHONE: She touched my hand what a thrill I got, her kisses are like a volcano that's hot, I'm proud to say she's my buttercup, I'm in love, I'm all shook up mm mm mm oh yeah yeah, I'm all shook up. We're not home. Leave a message. BEEP) You wonder why people don't call you, that's why. It was funny once, and by the twentieth time, it was a form of torture. Get an answering machine from American Lock 'N Latch. Message is already on it. (RING. CLICK. TK: Yeah?) Short and sweet. And it doesn't get stale with repetition. (RING. CLICK TK: Yeah?) It says all you need to say. (RING. CLICK. TK: yeah?) Hi. Just called to say I like your answering machine. Where'd you get it? (TK: American Lock 'N Latch. What's it to ya?)
© 1996 by Garrison Keillor