(SEAN MUSIC: WILDWOOD FLOWER UNDER)

NO:nn Peppermint, lavender, tea tree.n You've heard about essential oils.n But do you have all the oil your body needs?n What if I told you there are oils from your daily life that you're not using on your body only because no one's told you to do so before?n That changes today, with Jim's Nonessential Oils.

I'm talking about diesel oil, motor oil, oil paint oil.n Oils you typically don't consider for your health or beauty routine for reasons like "no one else is doing it" or "its main purpose is automobile maintenance."

But why not?n How many times have you come across an oil and thought to yourself, I wonder if I should put that on my face?n With Jim's Nonessential Oils, question no more, and let your body reap the oily rewards.

Try our best seller - leftover fryer oil.n Yes, we extract it from the finest fried chicken restaurants across the country, its impurities carefully removed with a large spoon.n

SB: Wait, nonessential oils?n Doesn't that mean they're not important?

NO: Yes, but only by the definition of the word.n

 

NO:n Let's move on to a demonstration.n Tim, what do you have here?

TR:nn I've got some unrefined, expeller-pressed crude oil.n I'm going to get a few drops and put that right on my face.

(SFX: DABS FACE)
NO:   You'll notice the results immediately.  How does it feel, Tim?
TR:  (brightly) Ooh, incredibly painful!
NO:   Fantastic. That means you got a good batch.
TR:   Would you like to try some?
NO:   No need. My skin is already baby-smooth due to a steady diet of avocados and daily mechanical wet-sanding.
SB:   One more question - aren't some of these oils easy to find and readily available to the public?
NO:nn You might think that.n (LONG BEAT)n Sometimes we get people who say things like, "Hey, are you a snake oil salesman?"n The answer is yes, we also sell snake oil in addition to our many other fine oils.

Just in time for Halloween.n Jim's Nonessential Oils - you gotta get these oils!n Are they essential?n Who cares!

(MUSIC: OUT.n END)