[Theme Music]

TR: Welcome to yet another real estate show on Haunted HGTV. With your host Joanna Jefferies.

SB: Okay, you guys.n Tim and Carol Dunfry are looking for a house in the $200,000 range.n It's really important to them that it's in a good school district, has an open floor plan and is truly haunted with the ghosts of Hell. nnI've got some amazing places to show them. So let's get started.n

(MUSIC: HOLD CHORD, CUT)

(SFX FOOTSTEPS UNDER)

SB: Hi, you guys.

NO: Hi. Thanks for helping us out. We're really excited to find a home among the undead. n

SB: Great.n Well, this is a three bedroom, four and a half bath ranch style home.n It needs a little work but nothing major. It has that open floor plan that you love. And, you guys, it's two blocks away from the school.

CC: That's great. Right honey?

NO: Yeah, it's nice. I like it. But I'm not getting a real haunted house vibe here. Am I wrong?

CC: No, you're right. I don't feel weirded out at all.

SB: Well, I know that's important to you guys but in this price range it can be kind of tricky. nBut trust me, this one is definitely a little haunted.

NO: A little?

SB: Yeah, but it's great.n If you walk into this area by the stairs and listen closely...

(SFX: A lame spooky moan)

NO: Huh. That's it?

CC: It sounds more sick than scary.

(SFX: A lame spooky moan)

SB: Yeah, it's not like super scary, but that desperate moan is pretty consistent.

(SFX: A lame spooky moan)

NO: Is there at least a good story with it?

SB: Well, legend has it that it's the moan of a really lazy man who used to live here. He really hated when he sat down on the couch and forgot something and had to get back up.n n

(SFX: Lame spooky moan)

SB: Apparently he died of boredom.

NO: I'm not really feeling it.n

SB: No problem. I've some more to show, you. nn

(MUSIC)
(SFX: REALITY SHOW TRANSITIONAL WHOOSH)

[TESTIMONIALS]

NO: I'm not sure if Joanna gets what we really want.

CC: I like that it was close to the school.

NO: Yeah, but that moan was really lame. It sounded like my uncle. And he's alive.

SB: The Dunfry's were a little disappointed but wait til they see what I have next.

(SFX: WHOOSH) n(MUSIC: OUT)

(SFX FOOTSTEPS)

SB: Okay you guys. Here we have a four bedroom, three and a half bath, open floor plan, and Look. Out. Back.

CC: Wow.

NO: Now we're talking.

SB: That is a three and a half acre cemetery, butting right up against your property. It's like, totally filled with dead people.n

NO: I'll say. I like that strange gravedigger leaning against that twisted tree.

SB: Oh, yeah. He's disturbing.n And that's not all. Let me show you the bathroom.

CC: Ooh, I love these fixtures.

SB: Turn the knob.

(SFX: FAUCET TURNS, BLOOD DRIPS)

NO: No way!

CC: Is that real demon blood?

SB: 100%. It happens all the time.n But you can totally brush your teeth with it.

CC: Love that.

NO: This normally doesn't happen, but look, I've got a goose bump. nn

SB: Apparently something happened in this house with an axe or a donkey, I forget.n It's $250,000. A little higher than you want to go.n But it's totally spooky and I'd really like to leave.

(MUSIC UP) (SFX: WHOOSH)

[TESTIMONIALS]

CC: She really did a good job, showing us this one.

NO: Totally.n I can just picture waking up with the morning, having our coffee on the back porch overlooking the cemetery.n

CC: Summoning lost spirits into our home.n

NO: And who doesn't love a bathroom filled with blood? n

SB:n I feel like Tim and Carol really loved that last house.n It's the perfect haunted starter home for a young family. nAnd as they grow, I'm sure some weird demonic stuff is going climb out of that cemetery right into their lives.n nBut wait. nI've got one more to show them. And They. Are going. To love it.

(SFX: WHOOSH) (MUSIC OUT)

(SFX: WOLF HOWLS. SPOOKY SOUNDS)

NO: Wow.

CC: Oh, my God. Dream home!

NO: Honey, I'm totally seeing spirits flying around the chimney. n

CC: Look at the front yard. It's adorable. Those are real headstones!

SB: I know, right. Now you guys, this much higher than you wanted to go. It's $300,000. But this is the scariest crap I've ever seen.n

(MUSIC: ORGAN)n (SFX: SCREAMS, EVIL LAUGHS)

CC: I love it. I feel like I could die here. nn

NO: I've got to go inside. I have no choice. Look. I'm actually being pulled inside.n

SB: This place has everything.n It was built in the 1700s.n Open floor plan.n Built on an ancient burial ground. Previous owners were witches, abandoned creepy children and advertising executives. n

CC: It's so cold.

NO: And hot at the same time.n Look at these walls, they're pulsating.

CC: Tell me these flies are always here.

SB: Oh, they are.n Now you guys, if you are at all interested I would make an offer today.n I showed it to a couple from Detroit, they couldn't make up their minds and the staircase ate them both.

TR: (Scary Demon Voice) GET OUT!

NO: Not a chance, pal!

CC: We'll take it!

(MUSIC UP) (SFX: WHOOSH)

SB: This has been Joanna Jefferies, I just helped another family find their home and I'll never sleep again.n

[THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT]