CT:n I just realized -(STING!) I have no money saved up for retirement.
(MUSIC: CHEESY SYNTHY ORGAN)
TR:n Saving for retirement can be a challenge.n But now there's a simple solution - introducing the Vanguard Retirement Box.
CT:n Oh!n So this must be some new financial software.
SB:n Not quite.n Let me demonstrate.
(SFX: CARDBOARD BOX BEING ASSEMBLED)
CT:nn Is that...?n That looks like a... cardboard box.
SB:n Looks can be deceiving. The Vanguard Retirement Box is a revolutionary tool that allows people just like you to retire an average of five and a half years earlier.
CT:n Wow.n How does it work?
SB:n Simply sit in the box.
CT:nnn Excuse me?
SB:n (FIRM) Get in the box. n(SFX: GETTING IN THE BOX)
CT:n Now what?
SB: Just sit there.
CT:n I can't do anything in here.
SB:n Exactly!n How can you spend money if you're sitting in a box?n You're saving money right now.
CT:n But I'm a modern man with a busy career and social life. What if I'm out at a bar?
SB:n Good question.n Well, we're all going to a bar now. See ya later.
(SFX: SHUFFLING IN THE BOX)
CT:n But I can't... I'm in this box... (REALIZES) Ohhh...This is just smart financial planning!nnnnnn
TR:n Exactly. Using the Vanguard Retirement Box, you choose how much you want to save by controlling how long you stay in the box.n Plus, Vanguard offers several different boxes depending on your age and financial situation.
CT:n Oh, like this other box right here. (SFX: PICKS UP A BOX)
TR:n Oh, no, that box is the box the Vanguard box came in. It's completely different.n That box is worthless.n (THEN)n Let's hear from real people who've been helped by the Retirement Box.
FN:n Me and my college buddies used to hang out all the time - we'd spend money on beer, concert tickets - you name it.
Thanks to the Vanguard Retirement Box, I haven't seen those guys in five years.
SB (Customer): My boyfriend wanted to get married.n By staying in the Retirement Box, I avoided him and paying for an expensive wedding.n Thanks Vanguard!
CT:n I think I get it now!n (SFX PHONE RINGS, MUFFLED HELLO)n Oh, hey boss. No, I won't be coming in to work today...or ever again. Because I'm investing in my future! (SFX HANG UP)
TR: Sounds like you're on your way to financial independence. The Vanguard Retirement Box - what's in your box? You.
(MUSIC: INFOMERCIAL-ISH OUTRO. END)