TR (ANNC):n Tonight's show is brought to you in part by Standing Water Orchards.

(MUSIC: AUTUMNAL REEL)

SB:n Bring your family down to Standing Water Orchards this Fall!

FN (KID):n Hurray!

SB:n We've got hayrides, handmade crafts, the biggest corn maze allowed by law, and of course, pick-your-own apples.n Just don't eat the apples.n They taste very bad.

FN (KID):n Huh?

SB: Try one.

SFX (BITES TERRIBLE APPLE)n FN: Eww.

SB:n Told ya. nAt Standing Water Orchards, we're honest about the poor quality of our apples because we know that's not why you go apple picking.n It's about quality time with family, and making your friends jealous by

posting a picture of yourself on social media.

(SFX:n CLICK)

TR: Would you look at this guy?n Now he's picking apples? This guy is everywhere. nn

SB:n And let's be real.n You're not making a pie or pressing cider.n If you picked a bunch of delicious apples, you'd just feel guilty watching them go bad.n Ours are guilt-free. They're already bad!

(MUSIC UP)

TR: But they look so good.

SB: You know when you see something that looks delicious, you bite into it and it has no flavor at all? nOur apples aren't like that. nThey're really disgusting. nOne bite and you're left with a dirty barn-like aftertaste that stays with you for days.

(SFX:n CRUNCH, PTUI)

TR :n Ugh.n Why didn't I listen?

nIt tastes like dirty zoo cheese. I don't know what that means but that's exactly what it tastes like.

(MUSIC UP)

(SFX: Crows)
SB:n So come pick some apples at Standing Water Orchards.n

And be sure to stop by our gift shop where you can purchase good tasting apples from nearby orchards that don't let you pick your own.n Or buy an orange.n Or a candy bar.n Whatever you want to eat, as long as it's not our apples.

(MUSIC UP)

TR (ANNC):n Open through Halloween.n And make sure you visit our sister location, Pamela's Putrid Pumpkin P atch.n But just look, don't touch. You'll get a rash.

(MUSIC UP, OUT.n END.)