(MUSIC: SLOW, BORED BACKGROUND)

SB (CHILD): Ugh, I'm bored!!

CT (CHILD): Me too! There's nothing fun to do this time of year!

FN (GRANDPA): Now, now children- how'd you two like to take a trip to Grandpatown?

SB: Grandpatown? What's that?

(MUSIC: UPBEAT ROCK AND ROLL)

TR (ANNC-WILFORD BRIMLEY-ESQUE FOLKSY): The wait is over! Grandpatown is back!

(SFX: KIDS CHEERING)

TR (ANNC): There's lots to explore in Grandpatown! Discover Benchland - 500 acres of wooden benches!

(SFX: BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SFX: SNORE)

TR (ANNC): Fall isn't fall without a visit to The Duck Pond! And for a limited time, when you buy one bag of bread crumbs you get the second bag Free!

(SFX: DUCKS QUACKING)

TR (ANNC): You'll ride the slowest, loudest Buick In The World!

(SFX: EXTREMELY PUTTERY OLD CAR)

TR (ANNC): Seat belts? What seat belts? Safety regulations haven't been updated since 1955!

SB (CHILD): Ow I think I just stepped on a nail!

FN (GRANDPA): Rub some dirt on it, you'll be fine.

TR (ANNC): You've never experienced anything like The Old VFW Hall!

FN (GRANDPA RAMBLING): Did I ever tell you about the time when were surrounded? By bees!

TR (ANNC): And enjoy the world's longest black and white movie.

(SFX: Movie running)

TR (ANNC): Need a break? The entire park is now a smoking section!

(SFX: COUGHING)

TR (ANNC): Want a live show? Don't miss the daily Feeding of the Dog! Keep your distance or you'll hear grandpa shout-

FN (GRANDPA): Don't pester the dogs while they're eating!

TR (ANNC): Getting hungry?n Well it's time to visit the famous Hamburger Place That's Not Actually Good, It's Just Where We Go!

SB (CHILD): Ugh, this hamburger is burnt to a crisp!

CT (CHILD): Mine is just Sauerkraut between two slices of bread!

TR (ANNC): Plus unlimited free hard candy all day long!

SB (CHILD): What even is this?

CT (CHILD): It tastes like hard cough syrup. (SFX CRUNCH)

TR (ANNC): Admission is now 50 cents off when you bring an empty can of Old Beer.n Buy now at the Triple A or give us a call at 1-888-CARAMELS. Grandpatown, Connecticut's BIGGEST octogenarian-themed park. Park hours are 6am to 1pm, Mondays through Tuesdays.

(OUT)