(PIANO UNDER)

CT: ... Brought to you by the new and improved prescription sleep aid, PhenomeNal. Because a good night's sleep is the key to a good day's work. Ask your doctor about PhenomeNAL today.n

(SFX OCEAN, PASTORAL)

TR: PhenomeNal is not recommended for women who are pregnant or who may become pregnant. PhenomeNal is also not recommended for women who are not pregnant and never will be.n Also not recommended for men, children, infants, or the elderly. PhenomeNal is not recommended for people with heart conditions - or without heart conditions. PhenomeNal is not recommended.

PhenomeNal is not safe for pets, indoor use, or outdoor use. Do not use in combination with other prescription medicines, non-prescription medicines, nutritional supplements, food, water, or oxygen. Do not use before consulting your physician. Do not use after consulting your physician. Do not use while consulting your physician. If your physician prescribes PhenomeNal get another physician.

Five out of 10 doctors indicated that they "strongly opposed" the use of PhenomeNal. The other five doctors said they "Super-strongly opposed" the use of PhenomeNal.

Side effects occurred in 110% of test subjects. That's right - even people who came near the test subjects began exhibiting symptoms.

By using PhenomeNal you waive all rights to prosecute PhenomeNal, Incorporated for any negative effects which may, and definitely will, occur - which I think we can all agree is crazy, but hey, that's the legal system for you.

PhenomeNal: (PIANO CUTS) Don't Use It.

PIANO UP AND OUT