SB: (OFF MIC) Come on, come on! Get in!
(SFX: CAR DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE)
CT: Say! This is pretty slick!
SB: Did you notice I unlocked the door without any keys? The door handle reads my fingerprints!
CT: No keys? How do you start it?
SB: With my thumbprint. Watch this.
(SFX: SCANNER, JETSONS'-TYPE ENGINE WHIRRING TO LIFE)
CT: Oh, very cool.
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Greetings. I am the SCAT 3000. Self-Controlled Autonomous Transport. Where would you like to go?
SB: SCAT, take us to the mall!
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Estimated time to mall: 11 minutes.
(SFX: ENGINE WHIRRING INTO GEAR)
SB: Isn't that amazing? This is easily like the coolest car I've ever owned.
CT: And it's completely self-driving?
SB: Yea, and self-parking. The seats conform to our bodies and the mirrors self-adjust to my eyes.
CT: This is totally like science fiction!
SB: I know, right?! I just got it back from the dealership last week and I still can't believe it.
CT: "Just got it back?" You mean it was in the shop already?
SB: Oh, no. They're built in Silicon Valley so, when they're shipped to Minnesota they need to be recalibrated.
CT: Oh. Like you mean for the weather?
SB: No, it's a self-driving car so it needs to be set to drive the way we drive in Minnesota.
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Now merging onto highway. Slowing down.
CT: What? No! You're supposed to speed up to get on the highway!
SB: Relax. It's all part of the programming!
CT: Look out for that truck!!
(SFX: TRUCK HORN. WHEELS SCREECHING, SCREAMS.)
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Evasive action successful.
CT: Whoa!! That was close!! We could've gotten killed!
SB: Don't be such a worrywart. See? We're on the highway now. No problem.
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Posted Speed Limit is 55 miles per hour. Changing into left-hand lane and holding steady at 45.
(SFX: DISTANT CAR HORNS HONKING)
CT: Um ... we should be in the other lane. We're holding up traffic.
SB: Chris, the car knows what it's doing. This is how Minnesotans drive!
(SFX: OTHER CARS RACING PAST)
CT: Not all of them! People are passing us on the right! They're giving us hand signals!
SB: Well, so what?!! They're probably from Wisconsin.
(SFX: WARNING DING DING DING)
CT: What's that sound?
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Precipitation detected. Slowing down.
CT: What?! It's barely drizzling!
SB: Every time it rains or snows, the car won't go above 30.
CT: This is nuts! Can't you override these settings?
SB: I could switch to SUV-Mode, then the car goes 70 no matter what.
CT: Can we just ... just ... let's get off the highway? Take the next exit.
SB: Sure, if you want ... SCAT, take the next exit, please.
TR: (ROBOT VOICE) Next exit approaching.
CT: Hey ... but ... we're still in the left lane!
SB: Chris, trust the technology. The car will wait until the last second and then cut across two lanes of traffic without signaling. It's the Minnesota way!
SS: (ROBOT VOICE) Three ... two ... one!
(TIRES SCREECHING, HORNS HONKING, SCREAMING) TR (ANNC): The all new SCAT-3000, visit your local SCAT dealership to test-ride one today.