A Prairie Home Companion Segment 13 for July 5, 2014
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0:00 | 00:07:06



GK: Hello?

SS: Duane-I could not believe that message you left me-----

GK: What?

SS: About dumping that novel you've been working on for three years and starting a new one---- Duane, we need to talk.

GK: Mom, it was going nowhere.

SS: You put so much work into that.

GK: It was a sinking ship.

SS: It needed a new title and you could've cut the first fifty pages but there was a lot of good stuff in it, Duane-

GK: Mom, it's a done deal. It's gone. I'm sick of it.

SS: Instead of INVOLUNTARY REFLEXES OF THE HEART, I told you you should call it ROSALIND.

GK: Rosalind the cleaning lady? It wasn't about her.

SS: Well, it should've been. Honey, you give up on things so fast. That's why you've never married.

GK: Mom, let's not get into this.

SS: You are terrified of stability. You are addicted to new beginnings.

GK: Oh, please.

SS: You are addicted to falling in love. Being in love---- you don't care for that. That's your problem, Duane.

GK: Can we talk about something else?

SS: Did you hear on the news about that man who has been doing the same radio show for forty years? Forty years, Duane. You quit your novel after three.

GK: You ever hear that show, Mom? The key word there is "same" ---- he's been doing the same show over and over ---- it's like somebody winning the world record for writing your name on a blackboard. Not how I care to spend my life.

SS: Well, at least he stuck with something.

GK: "Stuck" is exactly the word, Mom. As in "unable to move."

SS: He's a good guy.

GK: The guy who's been married four or five times, right?

SS: Well, at least he kept trying.

GK: I don't know anybody who listens to that show. Nobody.

SS: You do too know somebody who listens to it.

GK: Who? Name one.

SS (OFF): Hank---- (TR OFF) Here Hank, talk to your son.


TR (ON PHONE): Hello.

GK: Hi dad.


TR: So how's it going then?

GK: Fine.

TR: Good. Glad to hear it. Pretty quiet around here. So you're having a pretty good summer so far?

GK: Yeah.

TR: Good. Your mother is trying to get me to go on a trip or something but I don't think so. Not with gas as high as it is.

GK: Dad?

TR: Yeah?

GK: You know that show that comes on around suppertime on Saturday with the guy who talks slow and sometimes he wheezes through his nose?

TR: The one who talks about the small town a lot?

GK: Yeah.

TR: Yeah, I turn that on sometimes. Why? Did I miss something good?

GK: I don't think so.

TR: You listen to it too?

GK: No. So you like it?

TR: It's okay.

GK: Uh huh. On a scale of one to ten, where one is horrible and five is mediocre and ten is fantastic, where would you rank it?

TR: I'd give it about a seven.

GK: Right. Okay.

TR: They put on a good show for the most part. And sometimes they put me to sleep and that's not bad either.

GK: Okay.

TR: Well I'll give you back to your mother.

GK: Nice talking to you, dad.


SS (OFF):I got it. I'm fine. (ON) Duane? Are you still there?

GK: I'm here mom.

SS: I've thought about it and I can't help but think how proud that man's mother must be who stuck with that radio show for 40 years.

GK: You think so, huh?

SS: He probably sang her a song on the radio for her birthday. And on Mother's Day. She didn't have to sit

around day after day waiting for him to call her. She could just turn on her radio and there he was.

GK: Right.

SS: I listen to the part of the show after the intermission--- you know the part? Where he wishes people a happy

birthday and so forth?

GK: Mom.

SS: I listen hoping to hear my name....hoping against hope. And sometimes it's a "Happy birthday, Mom" and I'm waiting for him to say, "Your son, Duane" but it's never from you ---- it's from a Melissa or a Madeline or a Kevin or a Sean or somebody else. (CHOKES UP) Never for me. I don't care about the music and the other stuff. I just live for the day when he says that you wish me a happy birthday on the radio. (SHE SOBS)

GK: Mom---- Mom, listen to me.

SS: What?

GK: Your birthday is in August.

SS: So?

GK: The show is in reruns in August. Those happy birthday wishes you hear are reruns. They're old birthdays. Probably a lot of those people died years ago. So it's all downhill from here.

SS: Oh just never mind. Never mind.

GK: I'll see you in August. I'll bring the birthday cake.

SS: Whatever.

GK: Chocolate okay?

SS: Okay honey, love you. Take another look at the novel.

GK: Bye mom.

SS: Bye now. Love you.