GK: We're here in the Greek Theater on the mountain high above Los Angeles but our being here does not imply that I, the show, the performers on the show, or this public radio station approve of the tactics used by the Greeks in ancient times, such as the use of thunderbolts by Zeus (THUNDERBOLT) who wielded absolute arbitrary power and hurled thunderbolts at anyone he disliked. Nowadays there would be an investigation, but this is what Zeus did to investigators. (VICTIM: No! No! No! THUNDERBOLT) (SIZZLE) Gone. Just a pile of ashes.
Zeus was a god but he was no saint. He did a lot of messing around with women. Anytime he saw a pretty woman he came down to earth and got her in trouble. Once he turned himself into a swan so he could seduce the beautiful Leda. (SWAN HONKS) His wife Hera was furious of course (FN LADY FURY: YOU GET OFF HER AND YOU GET YOURSELF BACK UP HERE TO PARNASSUS) And she was so ticked off when she found out that Hercules was Zeus's son by another woman she made Hercules insane (GIBBERING) and he went and cut people's heads off (INSANE FURY, BEHEADING THWOP THWOP THWOP THWOP) and then for penance he had to fight a dragon (ROAR, SWIPE OF SWORD) and choke a lion (SFX). Nowadays this sort of behavior would not be allowed but the Greeks reveled in this. They reveled in it. (WHOOPS OF PLEASURE)
And you've all heard about Ulysses and how he faced the Cyclops. A giant one hundred feet tall. With one immense eye in the middle of his forehead (MONSTER ROAR) and you know what Ulysses did to the Cyclops? I think you do.
FN: THE FOLLOWING SCENE CONTAINS A GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF EYE-GOUGING. LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
GK: Ulysses made a very sharp stick and he ran at the Cyclops (FOOTSTEPS RUNNING)and he stuck the sharp stick in his eye (PIERCE AND GOUGE AND MONSTER CRY OF PAIN) and so the monster was unable to see Ulysses when he rode out of the cave hanging onto a sheep (SFX). Did I mention the cave and the sheep? Well, anyway, gouging an eye out with a sharp stick is a behavior that we in public radio, and our underwriters, do not approve or condone, and our appearance at the Greek Theater should not be taken to imply that we do.
Herewith and pursuant to.