A Prairie Home Companion Segment 10 for May 17, 2014
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0:00 | 00:07:21



SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS, brought to you by

Atlanta Brand Standard Landscape Scanners, the binoculars

that make everything look greener (THEME DOWN)


GK: (SINGS) Georgia, Georgia

It's so hard to get thru

Cause the traffic's bad

You almost lose your mind.

Atlanta, Dusty. Beautiful city but you get lost in all these

Peachtree Streets.

TR: Think how bad it'd be if it were snowing.

GK: That is true.

TR: So--- why so many Peachtree Streets?

GK: It raises your property value.

TR: Oh.

GK: Nobody wants to live on 114th Street. Change it to

Peachtree something and you can add about 15% more to

the price.

TR: Huh.

GK: And I'm working for the YMCA on Peachtree Plaza.

My first academic appointment. I've been hired to teach a

course in coping with adversity.

TR: While you do that, I'm going to head for a friendly

saloon and look for a woman named Peaches. (BRIDGE,


GK: Okay, my name is Lefty and as you can see by my

outfit, I am a cowboy, and in our course on adversity, we

are going to cover Crafty Carnivores, Reprehensible

Reptiles, Dangerous Desperadoes, Flash Floods & Forest

Fires, and we are going to begin with Sudden Snowstorms.

I understand you in Atlanta went through one in January.


FN: It was terrifying.

TR: The highway was just covered with white.

SS: Cars in the ditch, people on foot.

FN: Visibility zero.

GK: From two inches of snow?

FN: It felt like a lot more than that.

SS: I had never seen snow before in my life.

TR: We thought it was the Rapture.

SS: There was an emergency shelter in a school and we

stayed there until the snow melted.

FN: There were grief counselors.

TR: I still have flashbacks.

SS: Me too.

GK: Two inches of snow was a crisis down here?

SS: It was two-point-three inches. Not two. Two-pointthree.

TR: I'm just not ready to talk about it yet.

FN: Let's talk about Desperadoes instead. Anything


TR (DUSTY): So----- how did the Adversity Course go?

You give out any helpful pointers?

GK: Yeah. I told them to slow down and turn into the skid.

But they didn't believe me.

TR (DUSTY): Where we gonna spend the night, pardner?

GK: Well, I saw there is a Civil War reenactment going on.

Hundred and fiftieth anniversary of the Battle of Atlanta.

We could go be cavalry and get a free tent and some grub.

TR: Which side you want to be on? North or South?

GK: Whoever's closer.



GK: Whoa. Whoa. Easy. (HORSE WALKING)

DR (OFF): Who is out there in the underbrush??

TR: You talking to us?

DR: Who's going?

GK: You mean, "Who goes there?"

DR: Oh. Right. --- Who goes there?

GK: Lefty and Dusty

DR: Uh. Uhm. What do I say next?

GK: Advance and be recognized.

DR: Advance and be recognized

GK: This the Confederate camp?

DR: Yes sir.

TR: In that case, that's who we are.

DR: Well, come in and set by the fire.

TR: You got whiskey?

DR: Yep. Bourbon.

TR: Then I'm on your side.

DR: This is my first re-enactment I'm a little green.

TR: That's okay. We'll show you how.

GK: We're cowboy re-enactors.

TR: Been doing it for 30-some years.

DR: One guy in our unit got kicked out for bringing an air

mattress ---- cause you're supposed to be authentic. So I

bought this uniform off a guy and he swears it's authentic

but I'm not sure about this belt buckle. Says, "The south

will rise again." That don't seem right. And I snuck in

some Starbucks coffee. Got me a venti latte with an extra

shot. Anyway, Desmond's the name.

GK: So why are you doing this, Desmond?

DR: Just want to experience the horrors of war and all.

Brother against brother, and all that. (SQUORT)

GK: What you putting on your hands there?

DR: Hand lotion, I got chapped hands. Want some?

GK: No, thanks.

DR: We were lined up for inspection this morning and I

asked the Colonel why we weren't being more proactive

and he chewed me out for using that word.


GK: Sounds like the battle's begun.



DR: I gotta sit down and write a letter to my wife. With a

quill pen on a piece of parchment.

TR: Okay. I'll pour us some whiskey. (POURING)

DR: My dearest Elizabeth, I write to you on the eve of

battle. I do not see how we can defend Atlanta from the

enemy but I shall do my duty. I think of you and the

children and I also think of how much easier it would be to

text you but my cellphone is locked in the car. Ah well. Be

brave, my love, and know that I am forever yours, Love,



SS: Des?

DR: Elizabeth?

SS: I've been looking all over for you---- what are you

doing in that silly hat?

DR: Elizabeth, you're not supposed to be here. We're

doing a reenactment. There's a battle going on----

SS: Come on, let's go home.

DR: I have to notify my commanding officer first----

SS: You're looking at her. Let's go.

GK: And just then the air was filled with white stuff.

(SHOUTS AND CRIES, HORSES) It was white petals off

a flowering crabapple but they thought it was something

else, and suddenly the Confederate Army fled for cover and

right then we could see why the North won the war. We'd

been through snow. We knew it won't hurt you.


SS: The Lives of the Cowboys... brought to you by

Atlanta Brand Standard Landscape Scanners, the binoculars

that make everything look greener.