TR (ANNC): And now, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow family of automotive products brings you: Dr. Brad Triplett, Wildlife Urologist.



GK: Clamp.

SS: Clamp.

GK: Scalpel.

SS: Scalpel.

GK: And that long thing.

SS: The long thing?

GK: The gripper.

SS: You mean the forceps?

GK: Forceps.

SS: Forceps.

SS: This is so exciting, being out here in the woods.

GK: You're warm enough?

SS: I am very warm. I am almost too warm. It's so exciting. I've never seen a prostatectomy performed on a deer before.

GK: It's an exciting field, wildlife urology. Urine is how most of our woodland friends mark their territory and when there is urinary dysfunction, it's not only uncomfortable, it also affects the animal's social standing. The inability to urinate is a loss of citizenship for an animal.

SS: That is so interesting. I feel so lucky to be here. (UNDER) With you.

GK: What was that, Maureen?

SS: Nothing, doctor. Nothing. Speaking of breeding---- have you ever thought about starting a family?

GK: You mean, reproduce?

SS: Well....yes.

GK: Hadn't really thought about it.

SS: Oh. Do you mind if I ask a question?

GK: What is it?

SS: What exactly do we hope to achieve by fixing this deer's prostate? I mean, the deer are overpopulated. Is it really worth all this trouble?

GK: A doctor can't play god, Maureen. We're here to help, not to judge the worth of a life. I know it's strange. Me, giving up a lucrative practice treating enlarged prostates among the rich and famous so that I could go into the woods and rescue deer with urinary issues, but a man has to follow his heart and this is my mission. Pee is my passion. Urine is in my blood somehow.

SS: I know that, Doctor. And it's my honor to be your nurse. (TO HERSELF) If only I could be more.

GK: What was that, Maureen?

SS: Nothing, Doctor. Just thinking.

GK: Anyway, I'll just make the incision here--- (INCISION)

SS: Beautiful.

GK: Clamp back the area, Maureen.


GK: Catheter please.

SS: Here you go doctor.

GK: There seems to be something crawling up my leg, Maureen, but I'm just going to have to ignore it.

SS: I'd be happy to see what it is, Dr. Triplett----

GK: No, I need you to hold this clamp.

SS: When you've finished the prostatectomy, will the deer still be able to ---- you know ----- function normally?

GK: Well, I think so. Almost finished, Maureen.

SS: So he'll soon be back to his...full capacity?

GK: Needle and thread please, Maureen.

SS: Here you go doctor. (SEWING) What sort of thing is crawling up your leg?

GK: I can feel it around my knee now, maybe a spider, anyway the patient comes first, I can't stop----

SS: It could be a deer tick. You could get a terrible case of Lyme disease from it.

GK: Let's sew up the patient, Maureen.

SS: I could look up your pantleg for you, Doctor.

GK: No, I'm going to need you to help me dose him with the antibiotic.

SS: But what about you ----

GK: What about me?

SS: Do you mind if I call you ---- Brad?

GK: I guess not. If you want to.

SS: You might have a deertick headed for your inner thigh right now, Brad. (UNZIPS)

GK: What are you doing, Maureen?

SS: I'm a health professional, Brad. I've seen bare legs before. I want to be of help. A deer tick could be very dangerous.

GK: I'm aware of that but it's very hard to stay focused on ---- what are you doing?

SS: I'm checking your leg, Brad. Nothing there. Let me look here-----

GK: Oh my gosh.

SS: What?

GK: I think I've cut a vital nerve. My hand slipped.

SS: Does that mean that----

GK: I'm afraid so. His days as an alpha male are over.

SS: Oh well. Maybe he can find work as a consultant.

GK: I think I need to sit down.

SS: Let me help you to the car, Brad.

GK: Okay. I'm feeling sort of faint.

SS: It's okay. I'm here. I'll take care of you.


TR (ANNC): Join us again next time, for another exciting episode of: Dr. Brad Triplett, wildlife urologist.