TR (OBAMA): Hello everybody. Thank you, America. Good to be back in Massachusetts. I feel at home here. That speech at the Democratic convention in Boston, 2004, that's where it all started. I miss those days. I miss being a young community organizer when I could be right about everything. I also miss smoking. But that's another story.. It all happened so fast. Wham bam. State legislature. U.S. Senate. Democratic nomination.. And in a few years I'll be dedicating my presidential library. Retired at the age of 55. So what do I do then? Write my memoirs? Already did that. I'd like to do something entirely different. I'd like to have a radio show and tell jokes. Yes, I would.
So----- there were these two penguins standing in an ice floe. And one penguin says: you look like you're wearing a tuxedo. And the other penguin says: what makes you think I'm not? And the first penguin says: because you're a penguin. And the other penguin says: are you sure? And the first penguin says: if you're really wearing a tuxedo, let's hear you sing a song. And the other penguin says: okay.
TR (OBAMA) (SINGS):
And now, I'm almost done
Soon I will have my own library
Will I miss life in Washington?
Will I be sad? I'd say, not very
I've been here for eight years
And when I finally leave the White House
I'll find an island way offshore with just a lighthouse.
Regrets, I've had a few
I wish the wars had ended sooner
I wish John Boehner knew
That his world view is rather lunar.
Republicans seemed trapped in ideological schizophrenia
But I did okay for a socialist from Kenya.
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as time goes by, I find it all so confusing,
I go to play a round of golf
And as I walk along the fairway,
I think, "Oh no, it wasn't mine. I did it their way"
For what is a man, what should he do?
Stay where he is? Or find someplace new?
Find a resort with a tennis court and shall he play one or two sets
Would he feel good at Tanglewood in Massachusetts.
GK: Thank you, Mr. President.