GK: So you won a composing fellowship to come to Tanglewood and finish your violin sonata ---- the first movement is fantastic (VIOLIN, PIANO, A FEW BARS OF GLASSY MUSIC) ----and now you have a whole month to sit here in this cabin in the woods at your computer using that new music software you love (TR: It's all I ever wanted ---- peace and quiet....the freedom to create great art) and you're looking at the screen and thinking about the second movement (TR HUMMING, COMPOSING) and then a phrase reminds you of that old recording by the Doo-Dads and you go to YouTube (DIGIS: Dont' know why I love you like I do
Don't know why I do) ----- why are you doing this? (TR: Bad, bad, bad) You're a serious composer. But now you remember how much you loved the Doo-Dads
(DIGIS: Everytime I meet a guy who gets me shook,
All I ever get from him's a dirty look.
It's the same way, everywhere I've found.
All the guys that turn me on, turn me down.)
and now you're deep into YouTube, and pet yoga video ---- a poodle in upward dog pose (SFX: DOG GROAN) a golden retriever in downward dog (SFX: DOG HUM) and a video of sheep dancing salsa (SFX CHA CHA CHA) ---- you can't stop ----- there's a karate guy breaking a board (FN CRY, CRUNCH) and breaking a tree (FN CRY, CRUNCH) and the karate guy being kicked by another karate guy (TR CRY, OOOPH) and a newsreel of Winston Churchill in 1940 (STATIC, TR CHURCHILL: Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties and so bear ourselves that, if our civilization last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'All you need is love. Love is all you need.') and you try to get back to composing, you force yourself to write a few notes (VIOLIN, PIANO) but the notes remind you of a song you used to listen to with your ex. Better check Facebook to see what she's up to, so you do (TR: Hmmmm. In a relationship but it's complicated) and go around liking things and you write a few posts:
TR: Sending good thoughts your way.
And you see somebody sent you a link to Hillary Clinton singing the Shoop-Shoop song
(SS SPOKEN WITH DIGIS SHOOPING :
Does he love me I want to know
How can I tell if he loves me so
(Is it in his eyes)
Oh no, you'll be deceived
(Is it in his eyes)
Oh no he'll make believe If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss
(That's where it is) -----
TR (BILL): Yeah, it's in my kiss. That's where it is. How you doing?
GK: ...and now you've forgotten about your composition, you're on to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
(TR + FN: "Heroes in a half shell: Turtle Power!" MUSIC) and you find some vintage Madonna
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats
Next to mine)
and you watch a cat on a Hot Tin Roof (SFX), and a fish riding a bicycle (SFX), you see Rush Limbaugh singing union songs (TR SINGS: Solidarity forever, my friends---- solidarity forever, solidarity forever, let me tell you, the union makes us strong), and a trio of chimpanzees singing the Ode To Joy (DIGIS), and a man putting a banjo into a blender (SFX), and a woman twirling an onion while singing a Swedish folk polka (SS SINGS) and now you notice ---- the sun is going down: you were supposed to be composing your sonata. And you've written two bars. Two bars. You've been on YouTube for half the day. (TR GROAN)
What can you do? Some people go into abandoned coal mines (ELEVATOR, HIGH SPEED, DESCENDING) deep below the earth where there is no wi-fi. Others go to a rain forest (SFX). Some buy software programs that reprimand them if they go online. (KLAXON. FN ELECTRONIC: You idiot. Do your work. What is your problem? You disgust me.) And other people have thrown their computers into a body of water (FOOTSTEPS, TR: I'm done with you ---- call me a Luddite, I don't care ----- Goodbye.) HE THROWS, BIG SPLASH, BUBBLES)
GK: ....and they've gone back to pencil and paper. (SFX) Same way Mozart did it. Beethoven. Lieber and Stoller. (VIOLIN, PIANO)