GK: You're sitting there working away on your lecture for tomorrow's psychology class and it's hard to keep your mind on it (SS, WRITING: Behaviorism is based on the belief that behaviors are acquired through conditioning which occurs through interaction with environmental stimuli.....) and you click click yourself online so you can check on Facebook (TYPING) to see if anyone commented on your update about that egg sandwich you made for breakfast and someone left a link to a YouTube video of John Wayne in Henry V (TR WAYNE: Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead! Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood.) and now you find yourself deep down the YouTube hole with no exit in sight ----- you click on an elephant seal getting liposuction (SFX) and the man in the bird costume interrupting the interview at the U.S. Open (TR: Well, you started slow on the front nine, had a shot go off the fairway, and then three birdies in a row . . . .SFX BIRD CALLS . . . THEN BIRD MAN IS JERKED AWAY). You watch the bird man a few times and then a golden retriever singing Simon and Garfunkel (FN (SINGS, ACAPELLA): Hello Darkness my old friend . . .I've come to talk with you again ) and a video of Chet Atkins playing a Led Zeppelin tune (PAT GUITAR). And there's Drag Racing (SFX), and Drag Queens racing (SFX FAST HIGH HEELS, TR & FN WHOOPING), there's the video of a man on a Homemade Hovercraft landing on a chicken coop (SFX) and Marilyn Monroe in James Joyce's Ulysses
(SS MARILYN: I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldn't answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky) And you make yourself go back to writing the lecture (SS DRONE, TYPING: Conditioned behavior can be learned through rewards and punishments when an association is made between a behavior and a consequence for that behavior.) but the temptation is too strong ---- you're back on the Tube (SFX NASCAR races) watching a race car crash (SFX) and watching a dolphin do backflips (SFX) and finding an old newsreel of King Gustaf VI dancing the Charleston (TR SWEDISH SINGING) and a raw oyster eating contest (SFX) and you look at the clock and a whole day has gone by and you've written two sentences. (SS DESPAIR) What can you do? You could go to the woods, far from the temptations of WiFi, (WOLF HOWL) or you could have your YouTubes tied (SFX), or you could fire a gun into the air (SFX), forcing the police to arrest you (SIREN) and throw you into jail (STEEL DOOR) and there, you could write in peace.
TR: In there, lady. Welcome to prison.
SS: Is there wifi?
TR: Hear that, Ernie? "Is there wifi?"
FN: "IS THERE WIFI?" (THEY LAUGH HARD)
SS: Thank you. Thank you so much. (BAND PLAYOFF)