GK: Why do writers go to cabins out in the woods to write their novels-- (WOODLAND OWL, BIRD, SQUIRRELS). It's not for inspiration. It's to get away from the Internet. It's to remove the temptation of YouTube ---- sitting there (TYPING) working on your laptop, you know that with two keystrokes, you can watch a dog sing opera (SFX), you can see a mongoose fight with a cobra (SFX), you can watch people blow up three tons of strawberry yoghurt (SFX), everything is on YouTube ----- you can see Ronald Reagan reading Allen Ginsberg (TR REAGAN: Well, I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night------and compared to the pleasures of YouTube, your novel may not be so compelling..... (TYPING) SS READING: She looked out the window at the birch trees at the edge of the garden and she felt a vague sense of futility. Why was she here? What had she planted all of those cucumbers? Who was going to eat them? ------ your characters are asking profound questions that don't especially interest you and meanwhile, if you just click here and click there ---- you can listen to Edith Piaf

(SS: Quand il me prend dans ses bras
ll me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose)

you can listen to Willie Nelson sing Edith Piaf

(TR: Quand il me prend dans ses bras
ll me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose),

you can listen to a wax cylinder recording of Chopin (HEAVY STATIC, PIANO), you can hear a wax cylinder recording of Teddy Roosevelt (HEAVY STATIC, TR: Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. Speak softly and carry a big stick and you'll go far.) and you sit there surfing around and updating your Facebook page (SS TYPING, READING: I am here in the library working on my novel entitled A VAGUE SENSE OF FUTILITY) and before you know it, the sun's gone down and (CELLPHONE RING) your husband is calling to ask when you'll be home for dinner. And all day you've only written that one sentence about her looking out the window at the birch trees ----- that's why writers go off to the woods to write because there's no WiFi ----- but you may have to go deep into the woods to get away from it ----- and when you do, you're out where the bears live ----- (SFX) eight-foot tall grizzlies who are fearless and who can rip a cabin to shreds (BEAR ATTACK, WOOD BREAKAGE, GLASS) and strange men live out there in the woods ----- TR FLAT: I saw the light in your window. My name is Ezekiel. Do you believe that we're living at the end of time? I do. I know we are. Could I come in and talk to you? -----

GK: So you may want to stay home and work on your novel there. Did you know that Dostoevsky is on YouTube ----- Dostoyevsky ----- he's singing "Tiptoe Through The Tulips" and he's tapdancing----- (TR SINGS TIPTOE IN RUSSIAN W TAP STEPS) just Google Crime and Punishment and Tulips.