GK: We're in North Carolina where we are keeping cool outdoors with a water sprinkler just in front of the stage (PULSATING SPRINKLER, FADES IN AND OUT) And also by drinking iced tea. The beverage of choice around here.

FN: "Ya'll want another bucket of iced tea? You want sweet tea, plain tea or half-n-half mix."

GK: How about the plain tea?

FN: Plain tea is awful bitter. I'm just saying.

GK: Gimme the sweet tea then.

FN: The sweet tea will make your teeth hurt.

GK: I'll have the half-n-half mix then.

FN: That's what I would've chosen.

GK: Out here in the audience are people with huge beverage cups. Big Gulps. And they drive SUVs so they can carry those big cups. (ENGINE REVS, SCREECH OF TIRES) A car is just a beverage holder down south. Everything comes with a beverage holder. Furniture, lawn chairs----

FN OLD MAN: Walkers.

GK: Your walker has a beverage holder, I see.

FN OLD MAN: Got two of them. Keep my iced tea in that one and my urine sample in that one.

GK: Okay. People here with beer coolers and insulated tumblers who they won't sweat. And people have brought portable air conditioners. (SFX) Put em at their feet, turn em up high. And I see some oscillating fans out there too. (FAN)And some people have put up portable overhead fans (SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK) And everybody carries handkerchiefs to dab at their brows with. And they're eating slushies and snowcones (SFX) and banana popsicles. And I see some people have brought ice machines and hooked them up to their car batteries. (WHIRRING/GRINDING) and there are a lot of people waving paper fans ----- here's one---- what does that say, sir?

FN: Says "Padilla Funeral Home" ---- calls answered day or night.

GK: And on the other side?

FN: Says "For the wages of sin is death and the gift of God is eternal life." (WHUFF-WHUFF)

GK: That's a nice wrist motion you got.

FN: This is how Mama fanned herself. (WHUFF WHUFF)

GK: So we're keeping cool here in North Carolina. (SFX: SPRINKLER). Move that sprinkler in a little.