GK: .....brought to you by the Professional Organization of English majors. If you're applying for a job this month, majoring in English teaches you about what it means to be human. And that qualifies you for any job. What do you have to offer a corporation? The ability to tell a story. Here's a business major telling a story:

FN: At the end of the day what we're bringing to the table is a proactive strategy for empowerment that uses core competencies (FADE) to grow globalization in a way that impacts mindshare fulfillment synergistically.

GK: And here is the same story told by an English major:

TR: Our hand on her pale bare thigh, our lips lightly pressed against hers, we want the client to be ours, and we want her to be the mother of our synergy. Will she? That is the question, darling.

GK: If your business deals with human beings, English majors know what it's like to be human. Business majors don't.

FN: We're looking at a holistic approach across diverse platforms, above board, so we can cycle through and incentivize, parachute in, sit down and knife and fork this thing out so we can move the needle.

GK: An English major gets right to the point. The point is giving the client what the client wants.

TR: My hand on your soft pale thigh, my lips searching for your lips, and this is not about money, this is about you and your needs. It's about now. Tell me. Will you bring all of your dry cleaning to us? Will you? Say yes.

SS: Yes! Yes! Yes, I say. Yes. Yes, I will.

GK: A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.