GK: It's spring, and it's time to open your windows and (SFX, FLY BUZZES AROUND) ---- it's an enormous greenish-black horsefly (FLY BUZZING, WHINNIES) ----- . A fly that if it bites you, it leaves a scar.. (FLY BUZZING PAST) Yes, the fly has a right to exist. But not in here. Hear me? Not in here. (FLY) GET OUT. Look I opened that window. Go. The window is open for you. (FLY TAUNT, THEN SS FLY ENTERS) Oh boy. Another horsefly. (CLOSE WINDOW) Okay. That's it. Here we go, Mano a insecto. (FOOTSTEPS) Here I come, fly swatter in hand. Watch yourself. (SWING, GLASS BREAKAGE, FLY) Darn. Come here. (SWING, DOG YELPS, FLY) Sorry. You darned fly. Stay there. (SWING, DING, FLY) Okay, you. Your time is up. Look out. (FLY TAUNT, SWING, CRUNCH) Gotcha. Ha. Showed you. (FLY WEEPING) Hey. What was I supposed to do? Your friend was in my space. He was in my space. (ANGRY FLY BUZZ) She. Sorry. She was in my space. (FLY SORROW) Okay, okay. Look, I'm sorry. (FLY BUZZ) How about we have a memorial service for her----

(SINGS, W FLY) Some bright morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away. To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away.

Dearly beloved, we gather together to honor a fallen one who was struck down in the prime of life, one who was dear to our winged brother, and - (FLY).

GK: You want to say something? (FLY). Go ahead. (INHALE, HEARTFELT FLY SPEECH, FLY SADNESS).

Great. Let us pause for a moment of silence (BUZZ, THEN SHUSH) ---- silence ----- eyes shut----- let's have all eyes shut ----- Thank you. (WHACK)

Now the two of you can be together. Scrape you onto this little envelope and bring you over to the toilet, and......(FLUSH).


(GK SNORING) (THUNDER, LIGHTNING) Wow. Quite a storm. That lightning is really close. (LIGHTNING CRASH) I thought I saw something in the sky. Swinging. Like an enormous flyswatter. (LIGHTNING CRASH, TREE CRACKS AND FALLS) Got the big oak tree in the backyard. (DISTANT SIREN) (LIGHTNING)

TR FLY: Hey, over here.

GK: What do you want?

TR FLY: I'm the brother of Al. The one you whacked. And his fiancee Lola.

GK: The flies?

TR FLY: Flies to you. To me they were family.

GK: This lightning storm ----- you responsible for this?

TR FLY: No, but I hope you get the message. You are not in charge. You better look out. I got germs on my feet that could give you a rare immune-system disease that would put you in a nursing home for six months. So --- watch it.

GK: Yes, sir.

TR FLY: You hear me?

GK: Yes, sir.

TR FLY: I watch you sleep at night and your mouth is wide open and it wouldn't take much for me to walk around on your tonsils.

GK: Please don't.

TR FLY: I spend most days walking around on cow pies. Just sayin'.

GK: Please.

TR FLY: Then you behave yourself.

GK: Yes, sir.

TR FLY: Let me hear you say it: I will not harm a fly.

GK: I will not harm a fly.

TR FLY: That's better.

GK: Okay then. Are we done here?

TR FLY: You killed my family. So you're my family now.

GK: What do you want?


TR FLY: What have you got?

GK: I've got some sausages.

TR FLY: Fine, let's start there.

GK: How long do you think you'll be here then?

TR FLY: Let's just see how it goes.

You'll fly away, O Lordy, you'll fly away,
When you die, hallelujah, by and by, you'll fly away.