GK: Monday is Halloween, a wonderful holiday when very nice people pretend to be evil, which when you think about it is better than evil people pretending to be very nice.
TR (DRACULA): Come in. (THUNDERSTORM, LIGHTNING) It is cold and wet out there. Let me bring you warm clothes and something good to eat. And please, you must stay the night.
GK: No, thank you. If I could just use your phone.
TR (DRACULA): We have a beautiful guest room with a balcony overlooking the garden.
FN (DRACULA): It's especially beautiful in the moonlight.
GK: No thanks. I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.
TR (DRACULA): No, no----- you don't look well ----- you must stay the night.
FN (DRACULA): Yes. You look like you have high blood pressure. Let us take your blood pressure.
TR (DRACULA): It only takes a minute.
FN (DRACULA): Relax. Relax as I put the blood pressure cuff on you. (BULB INFLATES)
GK (TIGHT): Hey, it goes on my arm, not on my neck.
TR (DRACULA): Oh----- of course. How silly. (DEFLATION HISS)
GK: Did anybody tell you vampires that you smell of damp earth, you have serious dental problems, and all you think about is one thing.Face it. You're dead. You're not that interesting.
TR (DRACULA): Us? Dead? We are immortal! (HE LAUGHS A BIG VAMPIRE LAUGH)
GK: You are so tedious. There! Go! (STING CYMBAL)
TR (DRACULA): Mmmmmmm. Garlic. I love garlic. Make me a pesto sauce
FN (VAMPIRE): On Garlic toast!
(THEY BOTH LAUGH EVIL VAMPIRE LAUGHS)
GK: Okay, fellows ---- how about this!!!----(CYMBAL)
TR (DRACULA): Ah! A crucifix! Lovely. I like the mirror too.
FN (DRACULA): Why can't I see myself in it? I guess I don't exist. (EVIL LAUGH)
GK: Okay, time for the silver stake, I guess.
TR (DRACULA): Oh please! Pound a stake in my heart! I love it!
FN (DRACULA): It's like acupuncture--- Extreme acupuncture. (EVIL LAUGHTER)
GK: Okay. Time for you guys to go. (SINGS) IF YOU VALUE THIS RADIO SERVICE, WHY NOT BECOME MEMBERS TODAY?
TR & FN (DRACULA): No. Not that. Please--- (THEY BOTH WRITHE IN AGONY) No. No. Go away.
GK: IT'S SO EASY TO BECOME A MEMBER. JUST CALL NOW AND PLEDGE YOUR SUPPORT AT A LEVEL THAT IS COMFORTABLE FOR YOU.
FN (DRACULA): Not Membership week! Please! No!
GK: (SINGS) WOULDN'T YOU MISS THIS PUBLIC RADIO STATION IF ONE DAY IT WASN'T HERE ANYMORE? GIVE. GIVE GENEROUSLY. HELP KEEP PUBLIC RADIO ALIVE. (VAMPIRES FADE AWAY)