GK: Right after this important message. (PATHETIC PIANO)

SS: Alan cancelled our date tonight. I said, "Oh. Okay. How about a week from tonight?" He said he was busy. I said, "How about some time in January or February?" He said, I've got a lot going on. I said, How about 2013? He said, Let me get back to you on that. What's wrong with me? (STING)

GK: If people keep letting you down, maybe what you need is an animal in your life. But what kind?

Dogs are so clingy (WHINING, PANTING, BEGGING, TAIL THUMP) and cats are rather judgemental (EXTENDED SARCASTIC CAT SENTENCE), fish live in their own world (BUBBLING), gerbils are immature (CHITTERING)----- birds are bossy (BOSSY BIRD), ferrets are clueless (SFX), turtles are not emotionally responsive (SFX)....so what animal would complete your life? (HISS) Yes. Why not a reptile? (SNAKE CRAWLING) They're beautiful. Graceful. Their skin is so sensuous as they entwine around your arm and come up inside your pantleg. And nothing will impress your friends quite like a snake.

TR: Hi, Sharon ----I just came over to return those books you lent me.

SS: You didn't read them, did you, Alan?

TR: I looked through them. WHOOOAAAAAAAAA. O MY GOSH. What is that doing here?

SS: This is my friend Stanley. (SSSSS)

TR: Yikes! How long have you had him?

SS: Six months. And they've been the best six months of my life.

TR: He's huge. This is just so creepy, Sharon!

SS: Not creepy at all, Alan. I love to be touched. I love it more than anything. And when Stanley coils around my arm, my shoulder, my----------my---------- Oh my. I'm touched by a snake. (SSSSSSS)

TR: Does he bite? Why is he wrapped around me like this? (STRAINED) He's really strong.

SS: He's a python, Alan. He kills his prey by constriction. Didn't you know that? (TR STRAINED) Generally speaking, a python will go after smaller mammals such as dogs or goats, but there have been occasions when a python has taken on a human being, though those have been rare. (STRAINED, BONES CRACKING) Let me go get you an article about pythons, Alan, I think you'd find it really really interesting. (FOOTSTEPS)

GK: For all your reptile needs, try Rasmussen's Reptile Garden in St. Paul. A python just like Julie's runs as low as 589.99 plus shipping. Let Rasmussen's put a snake in your basement today.