GK: You graduate in June and you go to a job interview and the guy in the blue suit says.....
TR: So ---- Emily----- why do you want this job?
LN: Because I'm desperate and I have a severe undiagnosed mood disorder that's triggered by bright lights, so I wanna get health insurance so I can get some legal barbiturates and also save up to buy an assault rifle.
TR: Thanks for coming in.
GK: Employers aren't interested in the truth. They don't care about your personal journey.
GK: No. They just want you to hit key words. For example, you're not there because you're desperate.
LN: Yes I am.
GK: No you're not. You're there because you're a detail-oriented self-starter and a team player who can leverage your core competencies across diverse platforms.
GK: You're a game-changer who provides positive momentum for a customer-centric wow factor.
LN: Wow. I never knew.
GK: But now you do. And you're ready for that interview.
LN: I am?
GK: You are.
GK: Good luck.
FN: So---- Emily----- What's your greatest strength?
LN: My market-focused synergistic interactivity.
FN: Good. And what's your greatest weakness?
LN: Sometimes I'm too proactive and I work round the clock for weeks on end, until I fall down from sheer exhaustion. And I love it.
FN: So where do you see yourself in five years?
LN: As a detail-oriented self-starter providing integrative solutions in real-time modules. I'd like to move the needle on the consumer experience, creating an above-the-fold paradigm shift, and catalyzing the burn rate of creative cross-pollination.
FN: You're hired. As an intern. A $1.50 an hour to start and your own cubicle.
GK: English. It's how you get ahead. If you're an MBA and you can't seem to land a job, for your next interview don't say MBA... say B.A. in English.A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.