GK: So you're graduating from college with a double major in Comparative Molecular Ethics and Gender Stereotypes of Russian Literature, and all your relatives are in the audience (POMP&CIRCUMSTANCE) snapping pictures as you process in, and you're a little nervous because you were waiting for your underwear in the dryer and then you noticed how late it was so you threw on your robe and you're not wearing anything underneath it. (SS ANXIETY) (STING) And you march in and find your seat and sit down next to a blind classmate and you step on the foot of his seeing-eye dog---- (YELP)

SS: Sorry.

GK: The graduation speaker is a large drone with a board on his head ---- (TR (DRONES): For today is a new day, which leads to tomorrow, which does not yet exist, and yet today does, this moment, the nowness of our lives, in which we dare to dream......

GK: You start to doze off. (SS HEAVY BREATHING)

TR (DRONES): ... for it is your dreams that create tomorrow's reality. I have a dream, said Martin Luther King, and so do I have a dream, and my dream is that you, the class of 2011, will have a dream...

GK: And you wake up and they're reading off the names of graduates...

TR (DRONES, OFF): Aaron Anderson. Abigail Anderson. Adam Anderson. Aidan Anderson. Alex Anderson. Allison Anderson. Alyssa Anderson. Andrew Anderson. (CONTINUE UNDER.....)

GK: Your name is Victoria Youngquist so you fall asleep for good.....(SS SNORING)

TR: Anna Anderson. Arianna Anderson. Ashley Anderson. Austin Anderson. Autumn Anderson. Ava Anderson.

GK: And you wake up an hour later.... (SS STARTLE)

TR (DRONES, OFF): Aaron Peterson. Abigail Peterson. Adam Peterson. Aidan Peterson. Alex Peterson. (DRONE)

GK: And the seeing-eye dog is right there at your feet (DOG PANTING) and the voice drones on.....

TR (DRONE): Allison Peterson. Alyssa Peterson. Andrew Peterson. Anna Peterson. Arianna Peterson. Ashley Peterson. Austin Peterson. Autumn Peterson. Ava Peterson.

GK: And you're sleeping and then the blind guy pokes you----- (TK: Hey, you're next.) (SS STARTLE)

TR (DRONES, OFF): Victoria Youngquist.

GK: And you jump up and the seeing-eye dog is sitting on the hem of your gown and (RIP) off it comes and cameras flash (POPS) and


GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Rhubarb Pie? Yes nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie and Rhubarb Pie Filling.

One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of Rhubarb Pie
Serve it up nice and hot
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought

ALL: Mama's little baby loves rhubarb rhubarb
Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb rhubarb
Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie
Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie