GK: ... brought to you by the Professional Organization of English Majors.

With the job market the way it is, more and more young people are abandoning the liberal arts education and heading straight for business school.

FN (MONOTONE): We need to regroup our core competencies and leverage our fourth-quarter risk initiatives.

TR (MONOTONE): Affirmative.

GK: And that means we've got more and more people in our culture who just aren't that interesting.

TR (FLAT): What you going to do this afternoon?

FN (FLAT): Probably work.

TR (FLAT): Work, huh?

FN (FLAT): Yeah. Got a lotta work to do. How about you?

TR (FLAT): Yeah, think I'll work too.

FN (FLAT): Elaine wanted to go do something. I said no, I gotta work.

TR (FLAT): Yeah, women are like that.

FN (FLAT): I told her to call up a friend.

TR (FLAT): Yeah. What can you do?

FN (FLAT): Exactly.

GK: Which means that the burden of emotional expression falls on fewer and fewer English Majors.

SS (PASSIONATE): I adore summer. Summer afternoon! Summer afternoon. The most beautiful words in the English language.

GK: English Majors ----- we need you now more than ever.

SS (PASSIONATE): How can you say that to me?? You're not coming over??

TR: I can't.

SS: Why not slit my throat with a razor blade? Why not rip my heart out of my chest?? Can't you see I am besotted with you?

TR: Huh?

SS: You intoxicate me. My body palpitates at your approach.

TR: Me?

SS: I have succumbed to your erotic emanations. Yes. You and me! Tonight! A torrid tryst!

GK: English is a passionate language. That word "besotted" ---- besotted ---- soaking in and intoxicated by ----- if we lose that word, we are poorer. It's like the death of a species. Do we want to let MBAs decide how we talk?

FN (MONOTONE): Our sales trajectory was trending down due to certain dynamic shifts in the (FADE)

GK: There are so many beautiful words in English and we need English majors to use them, lest they die.


GK: So maybe an English major doesn't lead to vast wealth or power.

SS (ON INTERCOM): Thanks, please drive up to the window---

GK: Nonetheless, it can be a glamorous life, the life of language.

SS (PASSIONATE): Elegant, comely, graceful, resplendent, sensational, ravishing, soignee, refulgent.

GK: Refulgent-----

SS: Yes. Refulgent.

GK: Be an English Major. It's a noble profession. A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.