GK: With everyone concerned about the swine flu, I thought it was time we ask someone of the swine family-- you don't mind if I refer to you as a swine?
FN (PIG): No, not at all. Pigs are highly intelligent. More intelligent than dogs, not that that's any sign of distinction. So I'm proud to be a member of the Suidae family. Or as we say, (TWO SNORTS).
GK: That's the name, Suidae?
FN (PIG): The family name, yes. Our species is Sus Domestica.
GK: You're very intelligent for a--
FN (PIG): --for a pig. That's what you were about to say. Wasn't it? Not bad for a pig.
GK: I'm sorry.
FN (PIG): I am a professor of classics at Vanderbilt University.
FN (PIG): Pig Latin.
GK: Okay-- so-- about the swine flu.
FN (PIG):: People who know about this refer to it as H1N1. Not swine flu.
GK: Okay, but to most people it's called swine flu because it originated with pigs.
FN (PIG): We don't know that.
GK: I thought we did.
FN (PIG): We don't know that. And anyway, people did not catch H1N1 from pigs. They catch it from each other. So we swine call it (THREE SNORTS)--
GK: Which means?
FN (PIG): People flu.
GK: Okay. So it can't be transmitted from pig to person.
FN (PIG): No, not at all.
GK: And you can't get swine flu so-called by eating pork--
FN (PIG): By what?
GK: Eating pork.
FN (PIG): I can't believe you said that.
GK: I'm sorry.
FN (PIG): You? You eat pork? You kill animals who have done nothing to you and you eat their flesh?????
GK: I don't eat that much pork.
FN (PIG): Oh, so that makes it all right. The occasional murder is fine.
GK: I'm sorry I offended you.
FN (PIG): I've been a fan of this show for years and let me tell you something -- I am never going to give one more ear of corn to public radio. Never. No more.
GK: Okay, we've been talking to a pig about the swine flu.
FN (PIG): You look sort of tasty yourself. Got a couple of nice hams on you, mister.
GK: Thank you very much.