SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS ... brought to you by Trailblazer Table Napkins and Centerpieces ... just because you're out on the trail is no reason not to make suppertime a festive time with centerpieces and matching napkins from Trailblazer ... and now, here's today's exciting adventure ...
(OUTDOOR AMBIENCE, DISTANT CATTLE. CAMPFIRE AT EVENING. HORSES NEARBY)
GK: Connecticut is sure a beautiful state, Dusty. Just one of the prettiest places I've ever been. Too bad we can't find our way out of it.
TR: Been lost here for a month and I have no idea where we are.
GK: Me neither. The roads just wind around and around and then they change names ... Pond Road become High Street and then Maple Drive and you have no idea where you are.
TR: Towns all look the same. Middlebury, Danbury, Waterbury -- man, they've been burying a lot of people in Connecticut.
GK: Ask for directions and they say, Well, you just take a left at the antiques store and go til you come to the church, but there are a thousand antique stores and the churches have been turned into condominiums or antique stores.
TR: I think you've got to be from here to find your way out of here.
GK: Soon as we get out of her, I want to find me a hotel and sit in a tub and take a bubble bath.
TR: You want a bubble bath, you need to eat more beans.
GK: I'm gonna take a bath and put on clean clothes and sit in a hotel lobby and learn how to make conversation again. The pleasure of civility--
TR: We became cowboys to get away from that.
GK: Going out to dinner with a handsome woman and sitting down to a nice table spread with white linen and silver and having some hors dovries and an nice imperative.
TR: What's an imperative?
GK: It's a drink you have before dinner. (FOOTSTEPS IN BRUSH, BRUSH RUSTLING)
TR: Shhhh, shhh. Who's this coming? Looks like a man in a suit.
GK: Howdy there--
AG: Good evening, gentlemen.
GK: I'm sorry if we're camped on your land, mister. We're lost.
AG: It's not my land so don't worry. You say you're lost?
TR: Been lost for weeks.
AG: I seem to have somehow gotten separated from my chauffeur. She dropped me off so I could-- well-- you know-- go--
TR: I know. We're cowboys. We do it all the time.
AG: I walked into the woods and when I walked out, she wasn't there.
GK: I see you've got a cellphone--
AG: I do and I don't know how to work it.
TR: Looks like a fancy one.
AG: Plays music, videos, you can play games on it, get e-mail, it speaks sixteen languages, and I can't figure out how to make a phone call.
GK: You know-- I'm probably all wrong about this but you sort of resemble Woody Guthrie--
AG: I'm his son. George W. Guthrie.
GK: The singer?
AG: No, the Republican.
GK: Aha. I never heard about you.
AG: And I pay people to make sure you don't.
GK: So Woody Guthrie had a son who went Republican. Interesting.
AG: It happens. Daddy was a freethinker.
GK: It didn't bother him?
AG: I don't think so. He came and borrowed money from me when I was eleven years old. Fifty thousand dollars.
TR: You had fifty thousand dollars when you were eleven?
AG: Saved my allowance. Didn't spend it on candy. I sold candy to other children. Invested in Treasury notes. And when Daddy couldn't pay back the loan, I took the house and I had him sign over the merchandising rights to all of his songs.
GK: What did you do with that?
AG: You ever hear of Roll On Columbia Roll On deodorant?
TR: We don't use deodorant. Just didn't seem to be a point to it.
AG: Got a 50,000 acre condominium development out in Montana called This Land Is Your Land, and a chain of Pastures of Plenty golf courses. Woody Guthrie jeans. A brand of luggage called Hard Travellin.
GK: You built yourself an empire.
AG: Well, I've worked hard for it, believe me.
(SS ON INTERCOM: INCOMPREHENSIBLE GIBBERISH)
GK: That's your cellphone.
AG: It's my chauffeur, Ramona. -- I'm here, Ramona. (SS GIBBERISH) Come in. (SS GIBBERISH) How do you work this thing?
GK: Try pressing this. (BEEP)
TR (WILLIE, SINGS):
I'm singing this song again
I just can't believe I'm singing this song again. (CLICK)
AG: No, that's my iTunes.
GK: How about this one here? (BEEP)
AG: No, that's a video from the musical, --Woody----
FN (SINGS): I am a hobo and I ride the rails
I've been in missions, hobo camps and jails
I've traveled all across the fifty states
I hop the freights, I hop the freights. (CLICK)
GK: How'd the musical do?
AG: Not that well. It needed more dancing.
GK: Try this right here. (BEEP) (JAZZ SAX)
AG: That's iTunes. (CLICK) (BANJO) (CLICK) (DOG SINGING --THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND-- (CLICK)
SS INCOMPREHENSIBLE GIBBERISH
AG: I just can't seem to get it to work.
GK: Your chauffeur's probably roaming around a few blocks from here.
AG: There's got to be some way to reach her. (TAPS CELLPHONE, AGAIN HARDER) Why won't this thing work?
GK: Looks like tonight you're going to be sleeping on the ground.
AG: Dang it.
TR: Here's a blanket. Just check the area for rocks and tree roots.
GK: And don't get too close to the fire.
AG: This is crazy. I've got money-- I've got credit cards on me--
TR: You can use them to pick your teeth. Work as good as floss. (CHOPPER FLIES OVER HIGH)
AG: Look-- they're sending out search parties.
TR: He flies over every night. Somebody flying home from New York.
GK: Just relax, George. When morning comes we'll make a new attempt to figure out where we are. Meanwhile, just be grateful to be somewhere. Okay?
AG: I guess you're right. This is what Daddy did -- sleep on the ground -- it's where his songs came from that grossed me 87 million dollars last year -- up 14% from a year ago.
GK: Then just be glad for your luck.
AG: I'm trying. -- You know, it'd help me sleep if you'd sing me a song.
TR: Oh no. Let's not go there.
AG: If I could request one -- Daddy sang a song called --Danville Girl-- -- it's the one song I never earned a nickel off of. There just are no merchandising possibilities with --Danville Girl-- --
GK: When you say there are no merchandising possibilities, I have to question whether you're a Republican. There's a hat in it. And a cigar.
AG: But there's no point to them. No message in the song. It just is.
GK: A piece of pure art.
AG: --Danville Girl-- just is --Danville Girl--.
I went down to the railroad yard, Watch the train come by
Knew that train would roll that day But I did not know what time.
Good morning, Mister railroad man, what time does your train roll by?
Nine sixteen and two forty four, twenty five minutes --til five.
Standing on the platform, smoking a big cigar,
Waitin' for some old freight train that carries an empty car.
I rode her down to Danville town, got stuck on a Danville girl,
Bet your life she was a pearl, she wore that Danville curl.
She wore her hat on the back of her head like high tone people all do,
Very next train come down that track, I bid that gal adieu.
I loved that girl, that Danville girl, I loved her good and true
The very next train come down that track, I bid that gal adieu.
GK: Goodnight, sir.
AG: Goodnight, Lefty.
SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS ... brought to you by Trailblazer Placemats for the Trail. (WHINNY) (MUSIC OUT)