PD & GK: Oh Cecilia, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to come home
Come on home

ER: Dear Diary. I'm in Manhattan in my hotel room and Steve and I are supposed to sing in a duet contest and we were rehearsing --Wind Beneath My Wings-- and he wanted me to look up at him when I sing --Don't you know that you're my hero-- and I said, Why would I do that? What's my motivation? And he said, It just gives the song emotional resonance. One problem is that Steve is three inches shorter than me so I can't look up at him. The other problem is, I loathe and despise him. He said, How can you sing a romantic song and not look at the one you're singing to? I said, Steve, this song is not about you. Trust me on that one.

PD & GK:

Oh Cecilia, you're breaking my heart
You're shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging you please to come home

ER: I met Steve at a singer-songwriter showcase and the problem is that he is really into me and I'm not into him. I am into my own music -- I just sing duets for the exposure. But Steve wants more. He wants a relationship. He keeps putting his hand on my shoulder. I keep taking it off. He had a major water leak in his apartment which destroyed three notebooks in which he'd written down eleven new songs which he couldn't remember the lyrics to at all because when he wrote them he was on some sort of mood-altering chemical and he called me up and he was crying on the phone and I suppose I could've said I felt bad but I didn't. And he was so upset about it that he went back to eating meat again and that's like, a big problem for me. A big, big problem.

PD & GK:

Oh Cecilia I lost all my songs
I wrote when I puffed on a bong
It is tragic. The lyrics are gone.
I cannot go on. I may die.
Woe is I.

ER: So I am rehearsing with him and he likes to stand really close when we sing and he's breathing the flesh of dead animals on me. I told him: Back off. I told him that if he didn't give up meat I was going to focus on my own songs for a while. I wrote one about him.


If you eat meat, why not drink blood?
Why not pick up fresh road kill out of the mud?
Bake yourself a fresh weasel run down by a diesel.
And if the body is slightly rotten--
Hey, just serve it up au gratin.
He got all upset. He said, We're breaking up, aren't we. That's what you're saying. We're breaking up. Oh my God what am I going to do, Cecilia, you're my life, don't you know that -- I gave up everything for you. -- Meanwhile, I am texting my best friend Mira and saying, are you free for dinner? I need to talk. And then he says, I can't sing duets with someone who hates me. Let's just quit the whole contest.

PD & GK:

Oh the feeling, the feeling's not there
The feeling of love I remember
Oh, Cecilia, we can't sing duets
I guess that I'll just go back home
Go back home

ER: So I started calling him but he didn't pick up. I left messages. I said, I am done with you. Permanently. It's over. And I am calling Ramon. And two minutes later, he called me back and said, Who's Roman? Well, there is no Ramon but he didn't know that. We got together half an hour before the contest and rehearsed in the men's toilet and we sounded great. All we needed was some reverb! I took off my high heels so I wouldn't be taller than Steve and I looked up at him as I sang --Don't you know that you're my hero-- and we never sounded better. Unfortunately, the contest was rigged. The fix was in. The first prize went to a couple of nothing singers from Nerdville USA and we were left with a little tiny trophy for Most Congenial Couple. But a record producer named Trevor saw us and he liked me and asked me to send him some of my songs and I did and he thinks I have possibilities.

PD & GK:

Oh Cecilia, I love how you sing
I never heard anyone better
Oh, Cecilia, let's make a CD
I'm begging you please sing for me
Sing for me

ER: I haven't seen Steve for months. He sends me these very sad little text messages like --Why don't we see each other anymore?-- and --What'd I do to make you turn against me?-- but I didn't. I am just really really focused on making this CD with Trevor. But I'm grateful to Steve for inspiring me to write so many songs.
Homey, you don't know me.
No, you don't. So show me your back.
I want to see you zip up your coat and fasten your collar
And then get smaller and smaller.
Trevor really loves my music. He gets me the way Steve couldn't get me. He isn't into duets. He wants what's best for me. Cecilia.

PD & GK:

Oh it hurts me, we've drifted apart
You've broken my heart and I'm bleeding
Hemophilia, I may not have long
I'm singing this song just for you
Just for you.
Just for you.
Just for you.