(TRAFFIC, DREAM MUSIC)
GK: I kept telling myself, it's only a dream. Only a dream. But there I was, standing by a busy highway. I was naked, covered with brown hair, I had a small white tail, and antlers, and I felt a powerful urge (TRAFFIC, HORNS) to go leaping across the highway to meet a female who was somewhere in the woods on the other side. I could smell her. (SNIFFING) And the smell was making me crazy. (GRUNTING, DIGGING) I was in the grips of a powerful urge to go (BIG SEMIS) dashing headlong into heavy truck traffic in order to find love.
(FOOTSTEPS IN WOODS APPROACH)
TR: Take deep breaths. Turn away from the highway. Go ahead. Turn slowly and face me.
GK: It was another deer. Male. Older. Wearing hornrim glasses. A beard. Very calm.
TR: I want you to walk toward me and follow me into this hollow.
GK: I really need to cross that highway.
GK: I can smell her. Why are they always on the other side? (TRAFFIC) Hey-- I marked this whole area so no other male deer would come and here you are.
TR: I'm not looking to mate. I'm a therapist. I'm over it. I'm here to help.
(SS SINGS, OFF)
GK: I can hear her. She's singing to me. I met her at a salt lick last week. We licked the same block of salt. She sniffed my tail. I'm gonna go. I've got to go. Oh boy- it's just so strong. So strong.
TR: Take deep breaths. Come.Down into the hollow. (FOOTSTEPS)
GK: I followed him down into the hollow. My heart was pounding.
TR: Lie down there in the leaves.
GK: What, here?
TR: Lie down. What are you feeling now?
GK: A powerful urge to cross the highway.
TR: What else?
TR: Oh? Why? (A BEAT, DISTANT TRAFFIC)
GK: I saw Earl's's body lying by the side of the road.
TR: (SCRIBBLING) I see.
GK: Boy. A day ago he was browsing in the woods along with me- we ate some fermented berries, told some stories about hunters, and now, he's roadkill. Flies crawling over him.
TR: Kind of a reality check, huh? Let's go into this "urge." What happens when you feel it?
GK: It's all urge.
TR: You get a whiff of a female and, wham, your body tells you to go--
GK: Well, it wasn't a case of "a female" -- it was her. She's not like other females. She's unique. Jane is her name. Jane Doe. She's very elegant. Very funny. She's the most wonderful female I ever met.
TR: Listen to me. It's a chemical attraction -- a seasonal hormone fluctuation -- you weren't attracted to her last summer, were you --
GK: She isn't just some female deer. She is her. Jane. Her voice. Her lips. The way she nibbles bark. Her voice when she sings.
SS: (SINGS) The minute you walked in the woods..I could see you were a buck of distinction, a real big spender--
TR: Let's hold on a second.
GK: She's not just some tramp deer, she's an artist.
SS (SINGS): Good looking, so refined, say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind--
TR: Okay, but what I'm saying is -- stop and think. Find a better time to cross the road. Wait until late tonight.
GK: I wait until late tonight, some other male is going to go get her.
TR: You want to die? You want to wind up like Earl?
GK: No, thought of her is making me wild. I can't help it.
TR: You want to be spattered all over the highway? You want to dance with a Peterbilt?
GK: I want her love is what I want. (PAWING)
TR: Stop pawing the ground.
GK: I'm not pawing. These are not paws. They're hooves.
TR: You're pawing the ground. Stop.
GK: These aren't paws.
TR: "Pawing" can refer to hands, to hooves, to paws...
GK: How come you don't feel the urge to mate? Huh? How come you sit there all cool and collected writing stuff down on a pad of paper? How come you're not out there at the side of the highway, hoofing the ground?
TR: Please. This is not about me.
GK: How come you're not out there at the side of the highway, digging in the dirt with your hooves?
TR: I decided not to. I made a choice.
GK: I don't think so. I think it's that females aren't attracted to you.
TR: (SCRIBBLING) Interesting. Tell me more.
GK: I think that females take one look at you and they release rejection hormones -- anti-pheremones secreted by glands under their tails -- they look at you and they go ppppppppp.
TR: (SCRIBBLING) Ha!
GK: You're sitting here giving advice to me and the truth is that your rack is weird -- I'm a six-point buck and you're about a two and a half --
TR: Well our time is up.
GK: Your rack is leaning to one side and you know something -- it looks like a walker -- you've got a walker on your head -- and your horns look soft to me-- I'll bet if I just -- (HE SNORTS, AND BUTTS THE OTHER)
TR: Oh I see. You want to act out? I'll show you acting out- (THEY DUEL, WHACKING EACH OTHER WITH ANTLERS)
GK: These feel like paws to you? No. Cause they're hooves. (THEY FIGHT WITH THEIR HOOVES, SNORTING, PAWING, BUTTING)
SS (SINGS): Let's get physical...I wanna get physical...let's get into physical. (SHE VOCALIZES) (THE DUEL STOPS)
TR: Oh man. I feel an overpowering urge to go over there right now--
GK: You? You feel an urge? My my my. Mr. Self Control-
SS (SINGS): Let me hear your body talk your body talk let me hear your body talk...
TR: I can't help myself-- (HE BOUNDS, AND RUNS. THE HORN OF A SEMI SPEEDING. THE THUMP, THE TRUCK RACES ON)
(HOOVES ON PAVEMENT)
SS (CRIES): Oh no. He's dead. Look at him. That truck hit him going 70 miles an hour.
GK: I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen.
SS: I feel so responsible. I lured him to his death. (SMALL SOB) Hey...aren't you...(FLIES)
GK: Tell you what-I know a really nice hollow not far from here, lots of leaves we can lie in and talk about this... Plenty of browse, no hunters around -- come on. This way. (MUSIC)