Garrison Keillor: ...after this message.

Sue Scott (VALLEY): I got straight A's in college. So why can't I get into a good graduate school? I mean, I went for my interviews and they just act like I'm weird or something.

GK: If you are academically gifted, but inappropriate speech patterns are holding you back, a two-week course at RCA, the Russell College of Accents, can rock your world.

Tim Russell: (MINN) I'm Tim Russell and I started out talking like this and I discovered that (FRENCH ACCENT) when I changed my accent, I changed my life. (MINN) You know, most Americans believe that most other Americans are not that bright, so if you want to be taken as intelligent (BRIT) it would behoove you to pick up an accent. People will think you're brilliant! Brilliant.

GK: No need to learn a foreign language if you're an American, because nobody you know speaks one anyway, but-- a good accent can help you no end.

SS (ACCENT): That is so true. I went back and interviewed at those graduate schools a second time and they offered me full scholarship. They're looking for diversity. So now I'm diverse.

GK: You can be diverse too...thanks to the Russell College of Accents.

TR: (IRISH) Faith yes, and what a glorious future you will have, me proud beauty!

GK: The Russell College of Accents...87 different foreign accents taught, everything except Swedish.

TR (SWED): No Swedish then?

GK: No Swedish. It wouldn't do you any good. Believe me.