Garrison Keillor: Salt Lake City is home to the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a productive, and tireless people-12 million strong, with 52,000 missionaries around the world (DOORBELL), and 30 billion in the bank (KA-CHING). They built the Salt Lake Temple with their bare hands (SAWING, HAMMERING), and Brigham Young University, (HAMMERING). And you have to wonder: what would they have accomplished if they drank coffee? You'd have four or five missionaries coming to your door every day. (
FN: Hi. VERY FAST HIGH-PITCHED TALK) And some more at night. (FN FASTER HIGHER) And the Choir would sound different (SINGING, FAST, HIGH, "COME COME YE SAINTS"). And even more of them would think the President is doing a great job. (HIGH-PITCHED VOICES OF APPROVAL) Thank you, Mormons, for leaving coffee alone, which means more for the rest of us.

Tastes so lovely when you pour it
I would like to drink a quar't
Of coffee.
It's delicious all alone, it's
Also good with doughnuts.
Black coffee.
Coffee stimulates your system
Gives you energy and wisdom
Wakes you up in the a.m.
It is used by Billy Graham.
Have a pot of it today,
I'm sure you'll say it's awfully good coffee.