Garrison Keillor: You live in New York and you're the owner of an S.U.V. which you enjoy owning but you're embarrassed because it gets about 500 feet to the gallon and it spends most of the month parked in a garage just off Park Avenue for a monthly cost of more than a studio apartment so whenever you take it out, your liberal friends -- and in New York, what other kind are there? -- look at you as if you personally are responsible for the Arctic ice cap shrinking. What do you say? That you just really really like the feeling of sitting up above other cars as you motor up Madison and over to Queens to pick up groceries at KostCo? Just pick up a bag of Hard Travelling road dust at any auto supply store -- it contains sand, volcanic ash, red clay, ocean salt, and bug parts -- mix it with water and splash it on your car and you'll look like you just got back from Mexico.

Pat Donohue: (SINGS) I've been doing some Hard Travelling
Way down the road
I've been doing some Hard Travelling
With a heavy load
I live in a penthouse on Fifth Avenue
But I've been doing what a man's gotta do
Hard Travelling, day and night
So don't think twice, it's all right.