Garrison Keillor: Once there was a snowman who stood in front of a little stucco bungalow in St. Paul and he wondered if maybe he wasn't obese.
Tim Russell: I am so overweight. I don't know how I got this fat. I don't eat anything. But I'm fat. This could really be a problem later in life.
GK: He couldn't see any other snowmen to compare himself to, but he was pretty sure he was overweight.
TR: I'm so fat I can't even move. Can't even see my feet.
GK: He thought that maybe if he could move, the boy Michael who lived in the house would play with him. Michael was his creator. He adored Michael. He worshipped him.
TR (SINGING): O Michael from whom I have come
Who formed and shaped me from the snow.
GK: But Michael didn't seem to care much about him. (FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW) Michael walked past him and didn't even notice. (DOOR OPEN, SLAM)
TR: Probably he doesn't care for me because of my weight problem.
GK: All day long he stood there looking out of his black coal eyes as the mailman brought the mail.....(FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW, WHISTLING, PAST) and the dog from next door came and sniffed around his base and trotted off (WOOFS) and the pizza boy went by with a delivery. (FOOTSTEPS, WHISTLING, PASS)
TR: I oughta get some exercise. It's so sedentary being a snowman. No wonder I feel depressed.
GK: And he did his best. He leaned forward. (TR STRAINING) A fraction of an inch but it was something. And then he leaned a little bit farther forward. (TR STRAINING) And he could feel something moving. (SLIGHT SLIDING) And it was his head. (
TR: OH OH) His head fell off and landed on the ground. (SOFT THUMP AND TR OUCH)
TR: I don't have any feet.
GK: He could now see clearly where his feet should be and there weren't any.
TR: No wonder I never got anywhere.
GK: He looked up at the big grayish white lump of himself and he waited for Michael to come home.
TR: O Thou who didst fashion me from the snow, restore my head to my torso, I do humbly beseech thee, so that I may be one, and forgive my foolish pride that led me to be dissatisfied with my station in life.
GK: And indeed Michael did come home and he saw the snowman's head lying there.
Tom Keith: Huh. Who did that-- (FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW) Well, anyway it didn't break --
GK: And he put the head back on the torso and (PATTING) patted some snow around it to hold it and he went back in the house. (FOOTSTEPS FADING, DOOR OPEN, SHUT)
GK: But he had put the head on backwards.
TR: I can see in the picture window.
GK: There was Michael and an old man and a woman.
TR: The Holy Trinity.
GK: They were sitting on the couch and watching a picture moving in a box.
TR: A snowman--!
GK: Inside the box was a picture of a snowman, moving, waving its snowy arms, jumping around.
TR: So there is something wrong with me.
GK: The snowman in the box wore a top hat and a scarf and he was dancing. He had feet. He was rather graceful, though he was just as fat as our snowman.
TR: So obesity isn't my problem. Maybe it's the hat.
GK: The snowman in the picture, the singing and dancing snowman, was everything that our snowman had always wanted to be. Graceful, beloved, mobile. Small children took his hands and danced around in a circle.
TR: It's the hat.
GK: A magical hat, that's what made the difference.
GK: The snowman prayed--
TR: O Michael who art wise and good and beautiful and righteous -- please give me a hat. Please.
GK: And right away he felt a hat on his head. (BIRD CRY) The hat was moving around on his head (BIRD CRY) and then it flew off.
TR: Come back--
GK: But it never did. The snowman began to lose weight--
TR: Well, that's good news.
GK: And he lost more weight (DRIPPING) -- and his left eye fell out (PLOP) and he lost a great deal of weight (DRIPPING) -- and it worried him--
TR: Is something wrong? Michael-- answer me-- why is this (VOICE DROPS, SLOWS) happening to me...Michael....why.....
GK: And then it didn't worry him at all because he had become a little pool of mud in the front yard and that sat there for a few weeks and then he rose again--
TR (SINGING DRAMATICALLY): I am a dandelion!!!!
GK: He had a golden crown more beautiful than snow and he was there with a great host of dandelions and they swayed in the breeze and were happy -- they lived happily ever after for at least a couple of weeks.