Garrison Keillor: ...right after this message.

Sue Scott (OLDER, MINNESOTA): This is Dorothy Larson with the Minnesota Humane Society. It's December, the blessed holiday season, and a time for kindness. If you live in Arizona or Florida don't call your friends and relatives here and rub it in.

Tim Russell (ON THE PHONE): Boy is it cold here in Tucson. It's only 62! (LAUGHS LIKE AN IDIOT)

SS: We've heard your lame jokes a thousand times and they don't get any funnier, believe me. Instead of adding insult to injury, why not offer a place to stay. Minnesotans are quiet and affectionate and good at following directions, and most of us have had our flu shots. Remember, you will be judged by the way you treat those who are colder than you are.

GK: A message from the Minnesota Humane Society